Looking at long, tall Tommy Lee,...

Looking at long, tall Tommy Lee, you'd think the dude's a natural athlete. Hell, with all the fights he's been in, we know he can throw a punch. Just ask the paparazzi. But he's the one who's nearly knocked out when trying out for collegiate sports. The recounting of his athletic exploits should have been enough to make him reconsider. "What's that thing called where you run with the pole?" he asks the director. Um, from the tape I saw, Tom, I think it's known as "Chase Pam Around the Bedroom." But I don't think that event is sanctioned by the NCAA. Nor are the Chuck Taylors he favors for the track-and-field events. And his Speedo definitely shouldn't be.

Fair enough, the guy's not an athlete. However, he is a pro percussionist, so there's no excuse for him to not make the drum line. Sure, the Crüe doesn't play John Philip Sousa marches but, like most music, their songs do have a steady backbeat. If Tommy can keep "Looks That Kill" crackin', then he should be able to master a march. And after an all-night skin-bashing session, he does just that, joining the band on the field for game day. He looked a little uncomfortable, though, didn't he? Maybe it was just the uniform, which was probably the most clothing the dude has ever worn.