Look, people. Please stop writing me, complaining about how I keep talking about reality shows. I want to watch new episodes of scripted comedies and dramas. Really, I do. There's just nothing on. Believe me. I, like you, am counting the days until the fall season kicks in. I'm already envious of Daniel R. Coleridge because Scrubs comes back tomorrow and he gets to watch it. Lucky sonofagun.
When "E" (aka Pizza Boy) accidentally drunk-dials his ex-girlfriend Kristin instead of Emily the girl he's currently seeing Turtle says, "Either marry this girl or kill her. We can't take this anymore!" Yeah. Riiiiight. Here, ladies, is a peek inside the male mind. Apparently, among these guys, death/murder and marriage equal the same thing. And, yes, I know this is a repeat from Sunday night. But let me have this one. OK?
I knew it! I knew after they lost that $1 million that Adam and Meg the fighting favorites from last season's Couples Fear Factor were headed for Breakup City. And, sho' nuff, Joe Rogan says the crazy couple called it quits shortly after their last episode ran. But they got back together for this season premiere. (Oh, lucky us.)
Still, let's review. Last season, Adam and Meg were the ones to beat. But this year the dueling duo got eliminated after the second stunt. (What?! And it was a water stunt, too. They used to be so good at those!) But that's probably a good thing. Because I'm guessing that when their love left, Adam also lost the ability to allow the girl to spit squid ink into his mouth so he could then go spit it into a cup. I'm just saying...
The New Gap Commercials
Is there a commercial Lenny Kravitz won't do? Seriously. I know his daughter must be approaching college age by now, but dang. First Romeo Blue shook his groove thang for Target, now he's boogie-ing with Sarah Jessica Parker for the Gap.
What's he going to do next... Sears?
And speaking of the former Miss Sex and the City, SJP moves very well in these commercials. Apparently, the girl still just wants to have fun. (Remember that movie?) Although it is weird that she's doing these commercials. I mean, didn't she build a rep for being a trendsetting fashionista? Now she's running with the cookie-cutter crowd. Being a parent must really change things.
Growing Up Gotti
Oh, so that's how "Vicky" gets her Star column done. She has her new assistant, Jen, track down her sources for her. Go figure. You know what, though, I gotta give Jen credit for hanging in there. Because in that first week, Victoria basically dumped Carmine and Frank's graduation party on her. Plus, she had to do Vicky's reporting and probably fend off Lord knows how many of the vain little Mr. "I don't have any gel!"'s advances. Tell me, Jen, do the Gottis pay really well? Do you have great health benefits? Hell, do you get to keep your kneecaps if you quit? (That's my last lame mob comment. I promise.)
The Complex: Malibu
1. They get $10,000 to do one master bedroom? Shut up! The people at Trading Spaces must be flipping out. They could make over 20 rooms with that budget.
2. Am I the only one who thinks Monique looks like Nicole Ari Parker's sister?
3. Of course they got rid of the black folks first. Of course. But don't feel bad, Mo. It's better to get sent home earlier in the process. Imagine how you would have felt if you'd worked your butt off for weeks only to lose at the end and watch some other couple get all the profits from all four apartments. Things might have gotten ugly. If you know what I mean.
The Republican National Convention
OK. I'm not even gon' lie. I fell asleep during Rudy Giuliani's speech. What can I say? America's Mayor was just not moving me. For that I blame the speech writers. They let a girl down. I mean, in this day and age there's no reason Rudy should have sounded like he was winging it. And that's the impression I got. But I made it through the "Thank God George Bush is president" part. (Talk about revisionist history. Like Rudy really said that on 9/11. Whatever.) I also got through the "principled leadership" part where he portrayed our president as a righteous lone gunman standing tall against the world's evil. (Yeah, um, no comment.) But somewhere during the rambling segment where Rudy attacked John Kerry for flip-flopping, I lost consciousness. (BTW: Kerry, man, you're going to have to chill on that!) For real. I don't know. Maybe aliens came for me. Because I lost time. The next thing I remember, Carly Patterson was talking to Dave Letterman...