Life of Luxury
There's something pretty wild about a 17-year-old who can walk into a Ferrari dealer, snap his fingers and drop a cool 200 grand on a smokin' set of wheels. (This coming from a girl who once happily drove her parents' old snot-green 1981 Buick LeSabre, aptly named Booger. I could pack at least seven friends into that boat of a car.) Even cooler: Lil Bow Wow earns the millions that pay for the car, his 17,000-square-foot mansion in Atlanta, the video games that fill his room and the sports jerseys that pack his closet. "This watch I got on right now cost $25,000," boasts the pint-sized rapper/actor/businessman who became a millionaire before puberty. Hey Bow? I've got two words for you: MC Hammer. Invest wisely.
VH1 Classic All-Request Hour
What is up with the people requesting songs for this show? You want Rick Springfield, you ask for "Jesse's Girl," not "I Get Excited." (Huh?) You want Mick Jagger, you don't pick "Just Another Night," you go '80s Stones and ask for "Undercover." And to the nerd who wanted Gary Wright: The man had one very lame hit song. And "Heartbreaker" was not it. (It's "Dreamweaver," in case you weren't sure. And thanks. Now I have that stupid song in my head.)
Everybody Loves Raymond
This old Christmas ep is definitely a laugh-out-loud classic. Who knew a kitchen appliance could be a perfect metaphor for Ray's complex relationship with his parents?
Ray: It wasn't just a toaster. It said "Merry Christmas. Love Michael, Jeffrey, Ally, Debra and Ray."
Frank: It spoke?
Ray: No, on it! I had it engraved! I thought you might like it, you psychopaths!
They might be psychopaths (and "ungrateful mental cases," as Ray also calls them) but Marie and Frank do go back to Bloomingdale's to find the toaster. She fights with an old lady, he tries searching hundreds of boxes in the storage room. If that ain't love, I don't know what is.
Two and a Half Men
For the hell of it, I tried the "I Hate Charlie" website (www.charlieharpersucks.com), and it actually works! (I thought Rose had closed it down. Go figure!) It's the same site from tonight's ep, complete with a photo of a devilish Charlie Sheen, a message board ("This board is dedicated to all the women who have dated Charlie Harper. Bash him here!") and links to the messages Charlie read out loud to Alan. (Question: How long can you expect to date Charlie after you have sex with him? Answer: It depends how late you sleep the next morning.) So far, there are three pages of posts, including one message from "Charlie." Great idea, CBS.
Do rehab programs really send recovering alcoholics to the morgue to look at victims killed by drunk drivers? Doesn't that seem a little too gruesome? Anyway, my usual complaint: unnecessary story lines. Alexx rails against drunk driving. Then takes a former addict under her wing. And finally turns in Glenn Monroe for stealing a flask from a corpse. All very noble causes, but they didn't mesh with the murder investigation of the creepy Coleman brothers. (I didn't recognize Dan Cortese until halfway through!) I liked how they eventually nailed him: the freezer coolant on his shirt matched the bullet residue. Poor guy. Should've stuck with MTV Sports.
Ty Pennington, sans gross soul patch: Ladies! What do men want for the holidays? (Pauses) TOOLS!
Me: Honey, what do you want for the holidays?
My husband: Forget that expensive flat-screen TV. I'll take some of those fine Craftsman tools from Sears.
Ty, you so smart!
Degrassi: The Next Generation
Way too much to talk about, so I'll just choose my favorites from this hour-long wedding ep.
Emma's poodle perm Who didn't see that nightmare coming? Proof that some things should never be attempted at home.
Strippers for Snake What? The wholesome, geeky computer teacher gettin' down with a sketchy lady? Bring it!
Manny inviting Sean Yeah, she probably shouldn't have, but her scheme got Sean and Emma together for their first kiss. All together now: Awwww...
Snake and Spike's attire They almost called off the wedding at the last minute. Then why bother with a frilly dress and stuffy tux?
Hardcore Degrassi fans know these two were teens on the original series, so that's really what makes this pairing cool.