More than 11 million viewers watched Jessica Simpson sing herself into convulsions on last night's Nick & Jessica Variety Hour. The retro-heavy special — featuring cameos by Kermit, Miss Piggy, Kenny Rogers and Mr. T — easily won its timeslot, although only roughly 1 million viewers tuned in from start to finish. Everyone else slit their wrists, but in a rare stroke of good fortune for ABC, they forgot to shut off their televisions first.