Gilmore Girls
I don't know about you, but I'm not buying Dean's whole Gilmore relationship-breakdown theory. ("They want more than this," he tells Luke. "This town is all you are. It's not enough. She's going to get bored and you can't take her anywhere. You're here forever.") Well, he's got that one right, now that Luke wants to buy old man Twickum's gorgeous Victorian house and start a family there. But I don't see that as a problem for Lorelai, who's happily spent the past 20 years raising her daughter in quirky Stars Hollow. (Not to mention the fact that she just opened her own inn there and has no plans to sell.) Rory's the one who wants to move on to bigger things. And, well, she has. (Yeah, Dean, we know. She left you. Twice. Get over it!) Seems to me that Rory's ex is doing a little thing we like to call projecting. Anyway, I'm a little disappointed that the Logan situation has headed south so quickly. Last we saw, he was the one begging for Rory's affections. No surprise he's fickle — didn't I call this one a few weeks ago? The sex-without-strings thing was completely out of character for Rory anyway. Not that I didn't feel bad seeing her drunk on the bathroom floor crying in her mother's lap. And not even one "I told you so" from Lorelai. Now that's mother-daughter bonding at its best. — Robin Honig

American Idol
So I was hoping the new Pope in town would inspire maybe like, a Hymn Night or maybe a Latin Incantations theme. But no, we got something even more heavenly: '70s Dance Music! I mean, come on. Donna Summer. The Brothers Gibb. The entire Roller Boogie soundtrack. All the proof of God I need, right? And even though the final seven probably only know Studio 54 as a crappy Mike Myers flick, it turns out most of them still knew how to turn the beat around. Which made for a far less hellacious experience than I'm apparently headed for when the saints come marching in, you know?
Constantine Maroulis: OK, was a little worried about Con trying to replicate those freakish Bee Gees falsettos for "Nights on Broadway," especially under the weight of all that eyeliner. But the boy done good. Now all I have to worry about is that lady friend of his in the audience. Cyndi Lauper called, hon. She wants her entire shtick back.
Carrie Underwood: Forget Simon's jab about her Barbie-meets-Stepford-Wife getup. First off, it was clearly Baby Jane on methadone. And second, even with the pageant hair and prom dress, the powerhouse hit the heights with a "MacArthur Park" that sounded like it was written just for her. Fabulous, despite those ridiculous lyrics. I mean, who leaves a cake out in the rain, anyway?
Scott Savol: What sucks more than the fact that this one is still around is that his "Everlasting Love" didn't suck. At least not enough to get him voted off. No, we'll leave that to...
Anthony Fedorov: How ironic. He does the Tavares' "Don't Take Away the Music" and all I'm thinking is "Please, take it... now!" Bottom three guaranteed. Zzzzzzz.
Vonzell Solomon: Rockin' the Chaka Khan like that, you are every woman, Baby V! And like Paula (only without the sloe-gin fizziness), I love you, too. Now call me, OK?
Anwar Robinson: Again with the shaky notes! Dag. "September" is too much fun to be wobbling around like that until the big ending. Come on, pull it together. You and Anthony are making it way too easy for Scott to stick around!
Bo Bice: Holy hotness! Up until about 94 seconds ago, I thought my buddy Neil's band knew how to give good "Vehicle." Then Bogart came along, tore into the Ides of March classic and kicked my hopes of a Bo win into high gear. If only so there can finally be an Idol album I won't be ashamed to be heard bellowing to in the car. Damn you, Kelly Clarkson and your "Hazel Eyes"! — Damian J. Holbrook

(Can't get enough American Idol? Watch Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez dish about the music on Idol Chat, Thursdays at 8 pm/ET on TV Guide Channel. Catch a video preview of the show here. )

Veronica Mars
Is Weevil really evil? I can't quite wrap my head around that one. I always thought he was the tough guy with the heart of gold. So instead of letting the show manipulate my emotions yet again, I'm going to stick with my personal fave theory that Lilly offed herself accidentally while she was doing something perhaps illegal, hence the big cover-up. I may be living in a fantasyland, but whatever, at least I'm happy with my blissful ignorance in a world without community soap. And speaking of being delighted, I'm loving, loving, LOVING Logan and V.M.'s adorable, uncomfortable but totally chemistry-filled smooching sessions, which she slyly referred to as "two minutes in heaven." Only made better by Veronica's accurate summation of her situation to the loyal but too-good deputy Leo, "I just made out with my dead best friend's boyfriend who, incidentally, I hate. So train wreck." Well the current dynamic duo might be speeding off the tracks, but it's fun to watch before they crash. Also loved Logan's dad beating the heck out of Willow's — I mean, Trina's abusive boyfriend, Dylan. When he took off the belt and started whipping him, it was very Daddy Dearest. Doesn't make up for the fact that he used to smack Logan around, but it is a step in the right direction. [Angel's aside: If you have any questions for the amazing Harry Hamlin, send them to me in the feedback box below; I'll be talking to him later this week.]

While it seemed weird that Veronica would spend so much murder mystery- solving time looking for a lost dog, at least Ms. Mars' mutt Backup got a chance to earn his name, taking down the dude who was delivering stolen pooches. That is one handy pup to have around in a messy situation. And things might get messy around Casa de Cohn next week when I try out Veronica's own drinking game by taking a shot anytime someone asks for her help. I'd also add the option to take a big gulp anytime someone underestimates her sleuthing ability. And a double shot any time she gets picked on by someone at school. Perhaps it would be best if I gave this game a test run with Frappuccino instead of anything stronger, because I have a hunch that I'd be pretty inebriated before the 30-minute mark of the ep. — Angel Cohn

The Amazing Race
Oh, Joyce. Sweet, inspirational Joyce. As Uchenna said, you are definitely one beautiful woman, inside and out. Your unyielding determination was something to behold. You knew it would've been elimination time if you didn't get your head shaved — and that wasn't going to happen. Now that's love: Uchenna was willing to chuck the whole competition to spare Joyce, and Joyce was willing to make this sacrifice to stay in it. Watching that callous clipping with Uchenna by your side would choke up anyone. That's why I'd like to know why the producers, well aware of this particular Fast Forward, decided not to award this leg's first-place team some sort of prize (at least, none that we saw). If there was ever a time to bring out a cartload of cash, this was it.

As Phil pointed out, Meredith and Gretchen officially became the oldest team to make it this far in the race. However, a comment of Gretchen's really gave me pause. I always figured that the intense stress of the competition brought out the truth in a relationship. Obviously, Meredith and Gretchen truly love each other, so what does it mean when, after a testy exchange, she remarked that they've "never acted this way with each other"? It makes me wonder if some of the less-solid relationships featured in past seasons have been artificially cut short by competing in the race. But on the other side of that dynamic are Lynn and Alex, who, despite their elimination, have only strengthened their bond. (And once again, they were ready with an extra layer of clothes!)

I was not ready for that seemingly insane comment Kelly made about Ron's military service in the scenes from the next episode. But I'll wait to go off on that one when I see the whole thing in context. Let's face it, though; it's probably not going to sound much better. — Danny Spiegel

House
Vogler may be a helluva businessman, but he's a lousy gambler. Putting up his $100 million against the career of a misanthropic MD? That was a fool's bet, because the odds always favor the House — even I know that.

Unfortunately, the hospital is out 100 million big ones. But worse than that, Chi McBride has left the building and he's taken one of the best story arcs of the season with him. Much as I loathed his character, I loved the friction between him and House, and I have to wonder, where's the drama now that House no longer has someone to love or loathe? If I were writing this show, I'd bring back either Allison or Vogler in time for November sweeps — but with a nasty terminal disease. How would that be for an interesting story?

As for the poor husband forced to make Sophie's choice, could there be anything more difficult than sacrificing your wife for the life of your unborn child? As a father of two with one more on the way, I think I can say unequivocally, "No. There isn't." Apologies for ending on a dour note, but yeah, that one hit a little close to home. — Dan Roberts

The Shield
To all the couch critics out there complaining that TV's best cop drama had lost its way simply because it sacrificed a few shoot-outs in order to set up one of the juiciest and most intricate webs of conflict of any series in recent memory, I'd just like to say that my inbox is open and I accept your apologies in advance.

Shane, it's high time you invested in a pair of hip waders because you are getting deeper in doo-doo by the minute. Bad enough you have Antwon calling you his "B---h with a badge doin' my bidding." But now your double-dealing is making Vic and Rawling look bad in front of the Feds by compromising their drug sting. You better pray you find that girl with your bullets in her before Lem does because he's ready to tear into you like that German shepherd did that perp a few episodes back.

Now can you imagine the mess Rawling and her squad would be in if they hadn't found the drugs after busting into a church and breaking up a baptism? And can you imagine what that church service would be like if the priest had fired up one of those tar-heroin candles by mistake? Talk about a getting in touch with a higher power!

Oh, I almost forgot. Shane, when you're done with the hip waders, can you lend them to Death-Wish Dutch, 'cause he's going to be up to his elbows and keeping Shane company if he keeps romancing Vic's ex-wife. Y'know, I thought I saw some chemistry between the two of them a few episodes ago. It was just a subtle glance, but they both had that look in their eye, like they were hungry like the wolf. Poor, poor Dutch. There's no way this is going to end well. — DR

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