Friends Sigh. Am I the only one in America who doesn't want to see Ross and Rachel end up together? Don't get me wrong; I'm a hopeless (although I prefer hopeful) romantic who wholeheartedly believes in the notion that "the One" is out there, but I'm also not the sucker I was seven or eight years ago, when these two called it quits romantically the first time. And I'd like to think the same of Rachel, who has evolved from a spoiled, self-absorbed rich girl who'd always depended on Daddy to provide for her into a confident, capable career woman. (Although I seriously question her parenting skills. I don't care if she brought a baby monitor with her — she left Emma alone in the apartment across the hall to attend her going-away party! And I'm only going to assume that Joey was watching Emma when Rachel later stormed over to Ross's place.) It's so disappointing that the character who seems to have evolved the most might possibly end up with the character who has evolved the least. In fact, I'd say he has devolved. Ross used to be endearing. His insecurities were understandable, especially given the fact that his pregnant college-sweetheart wife left him for another woman. I used to root for him in the beginning — he was going to drink the fat, for crying out loud! But over the past few years, he's just gotten more and more grating and cartoonish, subject to shrilly temper tantrums at the drop of a hat. Rachel already has one baby, why would she consciously choose to take responsibility for another one?

Survivor: All-Stars Finally, someone on the show says what I've been screaming at the TV week after week! Shii Ann, well aware that the only reason she didn't get voted out last week was because she won the immunity challenge, shrewdly used her final tribal council as an opportunity to blast the remaining players for their poor strategy and expose Amber as the one she thought was going to win. And this is also a prime example of why this show continues to baffle me. Isn't what Amber's doing obvious? She latched on to Boston Rob so she'd be the lesser of two evils, much like she did when she befriended Jerri in the Outback. Align yourself with the obnoxious ones and you can't help but look like a saint. Hell, kissing Boston Rob alone should win her the million bucks.

Will & Grace Ah, the NBC hype machine. Why do we keep falling for its empty promises? Highly touted guest star Jennifer Lopez barely sang one verse of her old hit "Waiting for Tonight" and made two references to her perfume (which, ironically, was worn by men). Moreover, why is she doing Will & Grace in the first place? I don't think she has a new album coming out and it's too late to be doing damage control for Gigli. No, the real talent of the night was exhibited by John Cleese and Tim Curry, who gamely exchanged dialogue while doing the "Chicken Dance." (And yes, I caught the TV Guide shout-out. We see everything.)

ER I'm really enjoying watching Abby blossom as a doctor during her psych rotation. It's especially poignant given the fact that her mother and brother have serious emotional issues that she was never able to help them with. That said, she needs to stop blowing off that cute doctor who's been flirting with her or I'm going to start thinking that she might need to spend a little quality time in the loony bin.

Without a Trace Forgive me if I'm a little behind, but when did Anthony LaPaglia cut his hair?! I don't care what anyone else thinks but I gotta say wow. I know this is a serious drama, but I can't deny the fact that I enjoy the hunk factor LaPaglia and his male co-stars Eric Close and Enrique Murciano supply (same goes for CSI's Gary Dourdan, George Eads and, yes, even William Petersen). They make the tough subject matter (and gore in CSI's case) just a bit easier to sit through. As for the episode itself, I just knew Michael Goorjian's character was innocent. Justin would never shoot three people in a convenience-store robbery. Julia would be so disappointed. So would Bailey, Charlie and Claudia. Owen's too young to understand. And man was that cliff-hanger ending good. Usually there's a measure of resolution at the end of the show, but tonight it was just a shot of a phone. Will it ring? It's gotta ring. Ring dammit! Kinda reminds me of a typical Saturday night at my place.

Citi Identity Theft Commercial Whoever dreamed up this ad campaign featuring the victims of identity theft speaking with the voices of the people who are abusing their credit is a freaking genius. This one with the dental hygienist is especially funny, but I'm still partial to the poor schlub whose giddy perp bought a bustier that "lifts and separates."

PrimeTime Thursday The "big story" tonight: High-school students are using the Internet to plagiarize papers and cheat on tests. I guess next week's earth-shattering revelation will be that cigarettes cause cancer.

Quote of the Night "He's a very romantic fellow. When he asked her to marry him, he whispered those three words into her ear: 'Sign the prenup'." — David Letterman discussing Donald Trump's recent engagement to Melania Knauss.