Commander in Chief
Well, well, well, Geena Davis, it's quite a week you're having. Winning the Golden Globe for best actress in a drama, almost single-handedly saving a submarine full of American sailors from certain death, bringing the world back from the brink of nuclear war with Korea... you must think you're pretty hot stuff, huh? To quote the first daughter, "Don't let it go to your head." I must confess, though, that after two nights of watching 24

's insufferable President Logan in action, I appreciate the level head Saint Mac brings to any international crisis. She gets to clench her teeth and utter pithy directives like, "The men in that sub have 27 hours of air left. We're not gonna let them die." Meanwhile, President Logan's about three petulant outbursts from getting his very own episode of My Super Sweet 16: "I don't care what it takes. Fix it!" And now that my brain's started comparing fictitious prime-time presidents, I'm envisioning a Venn diagram in my head that'll help us suss out a proper compare-and-contrast visual aide for Mac, Logan and, heck, let's throw Bartlett in there, too. Ahem. Don't you people recognize a cry for help when you see it? I just used the phrase "Venn diagram" in a sentence. Please recommend a good mental-health-care provider.

Elsewhere, I'd be a lot less disdainful of this Dickie-Ally McPress Secretary flirtation they're setting up (bad kiss! bad kiss!) if we hadn't just seen him buying a drink for Natasha Henstridge last week. Dude, is there a blonde within a 10-mile radius you haven't hit on? What would Kelly Kapowski say?