Big Fat Secrets Revealed!

Steven Bailey should be sweating bullets. When the harrowing conclusion of Fox's My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé airs tonight (at 9/ET), a place in hell is sure to be reserved in his name. After all, as the most uncouth bridegroom since the Stone Age, he reduced faux sweetheart Randi Coy's unsuspecting family to tears on an almost hourly basis. But, to hear him tell it, he doesn't give a... um, darn.

"We put the Coys through a lot, and I certainly felt guilty at times," he acknowledges, then adds with confidence, "but it is a practical joke!"

Whether said joke was actually practical, it was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, cruel. Not only did Bailey make the Coy clan believe that Randi was marrying someone she hardly knew, he made them think they were inheriting a poor relation whose table manners paled in comparison to those of most house pets. On top of it all, the Coys seemed pretty nice.

"[Regardless of] them being sweet people or not," he insists, "if it's all within the framework of a practical joke, I didn't feel as bad about it as you might imagine."

Though it's hard to applaud the actor's lack of conscience, he does deserve props for pulling off the dirty trick. Apparently, he was given more instructions behind the scenes than an NFL quarterback on game day.

"[The producers and I] had opportunities to meet throughout the days," he reveals. "I would refer to [the process] as 'assisted improv,' where we would have goals to reach, like breaking a vase. I might have three goals that I was trying to achieve in a three-to-four-hour period.

"Hopefully," he adds, "along the way, I came up with things that were equally funny, if not funnier, than the things we had planned."