The Bachelor's Near Mrs.

Even before she made him eat codfish, viewers of ABC's The Bachelor (Wednesdays at 9 pm/ET) knew that it was only a matter of time before superfine Firestone wine heir Andrew pruned thorny Jersey girl Cristina from his garden of sweeties. However, frisky frontrunner Kirsten need not sign up for classes in cork-sniffing and posey-arranging just yet; her victory is anything but a foregone conclusion. In fact, a quick review of her behavior thus far, as well the attractive attributes of her romantic rivals, reveals that her handsome playboy may well leave her singing "You Don't Bring Me Flowers." Check it out. &#151Ben Katner

Kirsten: Let's all agree on one point right off the bat, shall we? This chick is hot. Really, really hot. And she's not just another pretty face, either. She's got one helluva set of curves on 'er, too. Erstwhile Joe Millionaire Evan would probably go so far as to say that she's got a "rocket bod." But, folks, that's all that this girl has working in her favor. Yeah, sure, she knows better than to torture Andrew with Portuguese "delights" or to hammer him with so much marriage talk that he'll make out with her just to shut her up. Beyond that, though, what's she got going for her? A galling assurance that her looks will get her roses by the dozen and a rumored on-again/off-again boyfriend lurking in the background. Andrew can do better, and unless he's enjoyed way too much vino before he makes his final decision, we bet that he will.

Jen: Now here's a contender! Jen's got everything that Kirsten does (except for an old flame that refuses to be snuffed out), and then some. She's nice. Funny. Bright. She even seems real — and you know how rare a quality that is, especially in reality TV! What's more, Andrew has a great time with her: He's so relaxed and happy when they're together that he comes off like the sort of charmer over whom we can actually imagine all these babes battling. Of course, when he sees her, his eyes don't bulge (and, we assume, neither does any other part of his anatomy). But whereas his intense urge to suck face with Kirsten will wane in time, making their pairing even less likely to succeed than Aaron and Helene's, his rapport with Jen promises to blossom. Still, we aren't going to hurry up and write a wedding toast for this duo for one very good — make that fabulous — reason.

Tina Fabulous: We admit it — at first we thought this gal was a megabitch who was destined to inspire a new generation of drag queens. With her severe look, sexier-than-thou 'tude and outré fashion sense, we even suspected that maybe she was a transvestite. But damn if she didn't pull the rug right out from under us this week, revealing an endearing vulnerability that we never dreamed she possessed. Whether her transformation from haughty and hilarious to warm and wonderful was a brilliant strategy or merely a logical progression, it worked. We love this crazy kid, and before the last rose wilts, Andrew is bound to feel the same way. How could he not? Kirsten would be a good trophy wife, and Jen is going to make someone a great companion and mother. But Tina? She is friggin' fabulous. So get out of her way, ladies: Here comes the bride!