American Idol "Find out... after...

American Idol "Find out... after the break." Haven't heard those smug little words from Ryan Seacrest in a while, but the first live results show of American Idol 5 brought out that tried-and-true phrase, as well as some Paula Abdul tears, if only in a glistening eye this time. Just wait: When/if Ace gets the boot, Paula's rush of tears will wash Seacrest right off the stage. Hmmm... I really enjoyed the vision in my head just now. All in all, not very surprising, with the exception of Becky (I guess Maxim readers were just too, um, busy to vote). Simon Cowell's backhanded compliment was actually great career advice for Becky; the girl is beautiful, and the camera loves her almost as much as Simon loves himself. The Stevie boot was expected. I saw the row of girls that included Mandisa, Paris, Katharine, Lisa and Ayla and knew that none of them would go. Nobody glared her way through her send-off like last year's Sarah Mather (ah, good times). I guess we'll leave that up to Brenna during her eventual departure. Patrick probably would have fared better on a different song. And then there's Bobby: While he seemed like a nice guy, and I'm glad he got to sing for his grandma, "Copacabana" was the worst performance on the guys' night. Bobby pretty much knew his time was up, and the judge's comments to all four departing wannabes were at least designed to be helpful. Oh, and then there was that woeful group performance of "Take It Easy," which translates in Idol-ese to "Make It Cheesy." I'm not the biggest Eagles fan, but even they didn't deserve that. Ken McGilvray

Why do so many people make fools of themselves on Idol? Find out here.