Today's News: Our Take


Threat MatrixSince Friends, CSI...

Threat Matrix Since Friends, CSI and Tru Calling are all reruns, I dropped in on this snoozefest about homeland-security agents. Tonight, the gang is looking for terrorists who've had extreme makeovers to assume the identities of workers at a nuclear power plant. Basically it's a poor man's Face/Off, with one of the bad guys ending up looking like George Costanza instead of Nic Cage.

Steve Harvey's Big Time Harvey finally has to put his money where his mouth is when he jokingly tells a 70-year-old football-playing granny that he ought to sponsor her team and she dances around the stage like a kid in front of the tree Christmas morning. He tries to retract his offer by citing a misunderstanding of the definition of ought to on her part, but she's too busy rejoicing with the rabid audience. Chagrined, Harvey realizes that resistance is futile (not to mention cheap) and concedes with a promise of $5,000. Stev read more

Molly Shannon's Baby Dilemma


Molly Shannon is no Sean Penn: She isn't about to deck a photographer for snapping pictures of her. But photograph her infant daughter, Stella, and holy cow! Shutterbugs may see a whole different side of the Saturday Night Live alumna. "The other day, Entertainment Tonight happened to catch a shot of her," she recalls, "and they asked me afterwards, 'Would it be OK if we let that footage air?'

"I reeled for like two hours!" she continues. "'Should I? Should I? What should I do?' I finally had to sit myself down and ask myself what was going on."

Although the funny lady's endearing neuroses may drive her bonkers, they also make her perfect to star in Fox's mid-season sitcom Cracking Up (premiering March 15). The show's executive producer is Mike White read more

DEEP SLEEP

Luke Wilson has signed on to play a guy who falls asleep only to wake up 1,000 years in the future in the big-screen comedy 3001. Mike Judge (King of the Hill, Beavis and Butt-head) will direct. read more

TOUR DE FORCE

The WB has ordered six episodes of a sketch comedy series starring stand-up comics Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy, Variety reports. The deal comes on the heels of the trio's successful "Blue Collar Comedy Tour." read more

Molly Shannon's Baby Dilemma


Molly Shannon is no Sean Penn: She isn't about to deck a photographer for snapping pictures of her. But photograph her infant daughter, Stella, and holy cow! Shutterbugs may see a whole different side of the Saturday Night Live alumna. "The other day, Entertainment Tonight happened to catch a shot of her," she recalls, "and they asked me afterwards, 'Would it be OK if we let that footage air?'

"I reeled for like two hours!" she continues. "'Should I? Should I? What should I do?' I finally had to sit myself down and ask myself what was going on."

Although the funny lady's endearing neuroses may drive her bonkers, they also make her perfect to star in Fox's mid-season sitcom Cracking Up (premiering March 15). The show's executive producer is Mike White read more

I SPY AN OSCAR GIG

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has tapped Alias badass Jennifer Garner to host its annual Scientific and Technical Awards (aka the Sci-Tech Oscars) on Feb. 14. For her troubles, Garner gets to attend the actual Oscar ceremony on Feb. 29 and present the Sci-Tech segment. read more

AMERICAN NIGHTMARE

Real-life lovebirds and Beautiful Mind costars Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany are in talks to headline the postwar drama American Pastoral. They'd play a couple whose lives are turned upside down when they learn their daughter (Evan Rachel Wood) is a revolutionary terrorist. read more

IT'S [BLEEPIN'] OVER

Someone stick a fork in The Sharon Osbourne Show — because it's done, folks. Warner Bros. has reportedly pulled the plug on the syndicated gabfest, which has struggled in the ratings since its debut in September. In an interview with USA Today, Osbourne says she asked to be released from her contract in December following Ozzy's near-fatal ATV crash. She also said she'd never do a third season of The Osbournes, so I don't know what to believe anymore. read more

J.LO SPEAKS

Jennifer Lopez tells Star magazine that her breakup with Ben Affleck has left her "extremely broken-hearted." In her first post-split interview, J.Lo says she "put enormous effort" into the relationship, but "in the end, I realized I needed to put my personal and professional life back together." Lopez's camp denies that the singer-actress-diva talked to Star, but the tabloid says it stands by its story. Of course, I'm pretty sure the mag also said Sharon Osbourne would never do a third season of The Osbournes, so I don't know what to believe anymore. read more

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

Marc Anthony and his wife, Dayanara Torres, have reportedly split up — again. The couple separated two years after tying the knot in 2000, only to get back together five months later. They celebrated their reunion with a lavish ceremony in Puerto Rico in Dec. 2002. Now, Torres has filed for divorce and is said to be seeking alimony and child support. They have two very confused children, Christian, 2, and Ryan, 5 months. At least I assume they're confused. read more

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