Today's News: Our Take


COMEDY QUEENS

Newlyweds ditz of the sea Jessica Simpson has signed a secret deal with ABC to headline her own sitcom, according to a report in Friday's New York Post. CBS, meanwhile, has tapped ex-Lizzie McGuire star Hilary Duff to headline her own sitcom pilot targeted for next fall. The project is being described as a domestic comedy along the lines of Family Ties. read more

MATRIX RECEDING

The Matrix Revolutions grossed $24.3 million in its first day of release Wednesday — far below the $37.5 million Matrix Reloaded collected in its debut last spring. read more

NOT-SO SIMPLE LIFE

The Paris Hilton sex video scandal is heating up. According to the New York Post, lawyers for the celebutante are looking into whether boyfriend Rick Solomon took advantage of the hotel heiress while she was nearly unconscious. It's illegal to have sex with an incapacitated woman — especially when said woman has a rich daddy. "She is so far gone she is drooling," says a rep for Paris. "It is the most disturbing video I have ever seen." Speaking of sick and twisted videos, Gigli arrives on DVD Dec. 9. read more

COMEDY QUEENS

Newlyweds ditz of the sea Jessica Simpson has signed a deal with ABC to headline her own sitcom. "Jessica has infectious energy and unmistakable star quality," says ABC's entertainment president Susan Lyne. "She also has a built-in fan base in both music and television, which is a great jumping off point for us. We're looking forward to developing the ideal showcase for her considerable talents." CBS, meanwhile, has tapped ex-Lizzie McGuire star Hilary Duff to headline her own sitcom pilot targeted for next fall. The project is being described as a domestic comedy along the lines of Family Ties. read more

SWINGIN' MISS

The TV jungle has proven uninhabitable for Tarzan. The WB pulled the plug on the much-hyped action-drama Thursday after it failed to find an audience on Sunday nights. A network rep says original episodes of the show will continue to air during November sweeps, after which Travis Fimmel and his six-pack abs will go "on hiatus." In related news, ABC has axed Dick Wolf's L.A. Dragnet. read more

NBC'S NEW TUESDAY

NBC is revamping its Tuesday night lineup beginning Dec. 2. Among the changes: The network will move Whoopi to 8:30 pm/ET to make room for the debut of The Tracy Morgan Show at 8 pm. Happy Family shifts to 9:30 pm following Frasier, which stays put at 9 pm. Good Morning Miami, meanwhile, moves to Thursdays at 9:30 pm — the timeslot briefly occupied by Coupling. read more

JUSTIN TIME

Justin Timberlake dominated Thursday's MTV Europe Music Awards, winning best male singer, best pop act and best album for Justified. Christina Aguilera, who hosted the show, was named best female singer, while Beyonce Knowles won best song for "Crazy in Love." Aguilera opened the show wearing a nun's habit, which she quickly removed to reveal — shocker! — a barely-there top and leather chaps. She's so unpredictable! read more

VACANCY

CBS has decided to fill the four-hour hole left by The Reagans with reruns. On Nov. 16, the network will repeat a special two-part CSI. And on Nov. 18, reruns of CSI: Miami and Without a Trace will air. Of course, CBS reserves the right to change its mind at the last minute if anyone gets upset. read more

VACANCY

CBS has decided to fill the four-hour hole left by The Reagans with reruns. On Nov. 16, the network will repeat a special two-part CSI. And on Nov. 18, reruns of CSI: Miami and Without a Trace will air. Of course, CBS reserves the right to change its mind at the last minute if anyone gets upset. read more

FriendsWe all knew it couldn't...

Friends We all knew it couldn't last (and frankly, did anyone want it to go on this long?): Ross and Charlie (Aisha Tyler) broke up, with Charlie reuniting with her ex, played by the deliciously droll Greg Kinnear. I'll admit it's a cute conceit having two former Talk Soup hosts (Kinnear made the show; Tyler sent it to the glue factory) play these characters, but it made me wonder if I would have liked Charlie more had she been played by Hal Sparks instead. And Joey's commercial for that Japanese lipstick for men was a hoot. He hasn't been that funny since he showed off his "jazz hands."

Survivor: Pearl Islands Burton and Lill, the Sally Field of Survivor ("I am a nice person!"), are back in the game, just in time for Drake and Morgan to merge into one team, Balboa. It was nice to see Rupert and Burton bury the hatchet, but it was even better watching everyone kiss Lill's butt read more

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