Today's News: Our Take


CAN WE TALK?

Tag-team red carpeteers Joan and Melissa Rivers are reportedly bolting E! for a more lucrative deal at the TV Guide Channel. I can't be sure, but I think this means I can't make fun of them anymore. read more

MOVE OVER TONY...

HBO has ordered 10 episodes of Family Bonds, a documentary-style series that follows the real-life adventures of New York bail bondsman/bounty hunter Tom Evangelista, Variety reports. It'll apparently be like The Sopranos without all the heavy drama and murder. Maybe they should call it What's the Freakin' Point? read more

A MUST SEE?

Diane Lane has signed on to star in Must Love Dogs, a romantic comedy that centers around a lovelorn divorcee who enrolls in a number of online-dating programs in a desperate bid to find Mr. Right. Rumor has it the project was inspired by the title of Jennifer Lopez's recent personal ad, "Must Have Pulse." read more

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

Star Trek: Voyager borg Jeri Ryan accused her former husband, Republican Senate candidate Jack Ryan, of trying to coerce her into performing sex acts at various clubs while others watched (Janeway? The Doctor? The entire Borg collective?). The charges — first leveled during the couple's bitter child-custody battle back in 2000 — were made public on Monday. In the documents the actress also acknowledged infidelity on her part, but only after the marriage was irretrievably broken. read more

SHORT CUTS

This year's Lollapalooza festival has been scrapped due to poor ticket sales... A lightning strike at CNN's Atlanta headquarters left the cable net without audio for roughly 20 minutes at around 1 pm/ET Monday. The outage occurred just minutes after TV Guide Online's Michael Ausiello appeared on sister net Headline News talking about FX's Nip/Tuck. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about that. read more

GET A LIFE

After weeks of hype, Bill Clinton's autobiography, My Life, debuts in fine book stores (and Costcos) across the country today. And despite lacerating reviews — the New York Times called it "sloppy, self-indulgent and often eye-crossingly dull" — the 957-page tome is expected to rank as one of the top-selling presidential memoirs of all time. Advance orders have already exceeded 2 million. read more

THE FRONT LINES

In a bid to squash piracy, the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) is offering theater employees a reward of up to $500 for every person they catch illegally recording films. In related news, I will offer employees a $20 reward for every person they catch talking during a movie. The reward will only be given once said employee pelts said chatterbox with a fistful of Skittles. read more

IT'S STILL ALIVE!

Quentin Tarantino plans to shoot a third Kill Bill film — but not for another 15 years. The story will focus on the daughter of Vivica A. Fox's character, Vernita Green (whom Uma Thurman killed in the first installment). Why the wait? Apparently, it's gonna take lil' Nikki that long to clean her blood-splattered kitchen. read more

HEADING SOUTH

After a promising start last week, Fox's new Monday combo of North Shore and The Casino fizzled in their second outings last night. At 8 pm/ET, North Shore averaged 4.6 million viewers, down from nearly 6 million the previous week. The Casino, meanwhile, dipped from 5.6 million to 5.3 million viewers. read more

BABY NEWS

Lord of the Rings star Liv Tyler and her rocker hubby, Royston Langdon, are reportedly expecting their first child in early '05. German supermodel Claudia Schiffer, meanwhile, is said to be pregnant with her second child. Daddy is British movie producer Matthew Vaughn. read more

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