Today's News: Our Take


FAHRENHEIT RISING

Despite its best efforts to get TV advertisements for Fahrenheit 9/11 barred from television by calling their broadcast illegal "electioneering," a conservative advocacy group has been shot down by the Federal Election Committee, it was revealed yesterday. We can't know this for sure, but we suspect that upon hearing the news, the members of R.E.M. spontaneously began singing "Shiny Happy People." (If you don't know the band's feelings on our commander in chief, see the item a ways below.) read more

SPEAKING OF PRESIDENTS

As first reported by TV Guide Online last week, Saturday Night Live has invited Bill Clinton to host the skitcom this season. But NBC now confirms that the former president has turned them down flat, without giving a reason why. Clinton apparently prefers to promote his best-selling 957-page memoir, My Life, on talk shows like Late Show with David Letterman and Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, where he is slated to appear Monday night. read more

HELLO KITTY... AGAIN

Although moviegoers shunned Catwoman like it was used kitty litter, Halle Berry told reporters at the career-killing flick's German opening yesterday that she hoped to headline a sequel. (Go ahead; take a moment to snicker. Heaven knows we did.) Hopefully, the foreign press merely misunderstood the Oscar winner, who, logic dictates, had to have been saying that she'd sooner be spayed than star in another stink bomb. read more

REALITY BITE

Speaking of reality television, Big Brother 5 aired its best episode yet last night, and (surprise!) our enjoyment didn't have diddly to do with the big "Project DNA" reveal. Self-proclaimed "savage" Scott got tossed out on his mouth... er, we mean his butt. (Where this cretin's concerned, the two are easy to confuse.) That leaves his buddy, nasty future Brad Pitt stalker Jase, with only his reflection for companionship. Which, come to think of it, will undoubtedly make the narcissist a very happy camper. read more

SCORN IN THE USA

Just as alt-rockers R.E.M. are gearing up to play five dates on the Bush-burning Vote for Change tour comes word that their new album, Around the Sun, will be released internationally on Oct. 4 and in North America the following day. Whew — now we know what not to get Jenna and Babs for Christmas. read more

NEXT TO LAST

In last night's results episode of Last Comic Standing, Gary Gulman, Alonzo Bodden and John Heffron got the last laugh — competitors Tammy Pescatelli, Kathleen Madigan and Jay London were given the hook by viewers. In related news, we're still pouting because London got the wild-card slot that we were sure had Ant's name written all over it. read more

TOP THIS, DR. PHIL

Comedians for whom Oprah Winfrey jokes are a staple can breathe a sigh of relief today. The omnipotent talk-show host has renewed her TV contract through 2011, ensuring that her chatfest, a 38-time Emmy winner, will reach its 25th anniversary in syndication. And they said it wouldn't last. No, wait — it was her relationship with Stedman that they said wouldn't last. read more

IN MEMORIAM

Too bad they didn't think of this before he passed away! Friends and fans of Ray Charles are coming together for a tribute to the fallen star on Sept. 29. Emcee Bill Cosby will introduce such artists as Michael McDonald and Angie Stone at the event, proceeds from which will benefit the Morehouse College Center for the Arts in Georgia, a state that was never far from his thoughts. read more

GET WELL

First the bad news: Isley Brothers lead vocalist Ronald Isley has suffered a stroke, his rep disclosed yesterday. Now the good news: It apparently happened a week ago and was relatively minor, and the velvet-voiced 63-year-old is already on the mend. read more

Big Brother 5 Scott got evicted....

Big Brother 5
Scott got evicted. Well, there's a shocker. So I guess the Four Horsemen will have to find a new name. Unfortunately for them, the Three Stooges is already taken. Meanwhile, Adria and Natalie revealed that they had been switching places in the house, pretending to be the same person, yet no one flipped out. Not even that wacko Jase, who was probably still reeling from the devastating loss of his partner in pectorals. (OK, was I the only one whose skin started to crawl when he put on his sunglasses, took off his shirt and started pumping iron immediately following the eviction? Dude needs to lose the headwrap and let some blood get to his brain.) Everyone was all hugs and smiles. All things considered, I guess two gals who share a face are better than two guys (Scott and Jase) who share a brain.

Blue Collar TV
The theme of tonight's installment is "Naked," or as host Jeff Foxworthy sai read more

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