Question: OK, Michael. Since you don't have a lawn for me to mow ("Ask Ausiello" 11/17), how about letting me clean your apartment and walk your dog for two weeks in exchange for hooking a brother up with Eva Longoria? Sonny
Ausiello: My apartment is spotless and I don't have a dog. Keep trying...
Question: OK, I'm a sucker and pulled up your "website" last week ("Ask Ausiello" 11/17) and I gotta know: Could you ask the girl behind the plane where she got the adorable pumps? (Not the icky flip-flop girl, the other one.) Thanks! Heidi Ellis
Ausiello: That was cute how you put the word website in quotes like that. Very clever. Anyway, I'm not in contact with Lady Pumps, but I do recall her saying she was an architecture student at some university in the Midwest. She just got married and was honeymooning with her new hubby a fellow architecture student. Nice couple. Is that enough for you to go on?
Question: Hey, did you get all the e-mails I sent you about returning TV shows? Dan
Ausiello: Hmmm... doesn't ring any bells. Are you by any chance typing with your caps lock on?
Question: The records for MichaelAusiello.com indicate that you purchased your domain name on Jan. 27, 2003. You've been planning "Ask Ausiello" since that very day, haven't you? Fred
Ausiello: What, you thought I just pulled this thing together overnight?
Question: I always thought Felicity should have ended with her college-graduation episode. It was the perfect, sweetest, most touching and satisfying finale. What do you think? Nancy
Ausiello: I agree. The college-graduation episode featuring a cameo by my left arm was the perfect bookend to the pilot. That said, those final Time Warp episodes were a terrific comedic showcase for Keri. She almost made me forget how utterly implausible the story was.
Question: I'm sorry. I'm just writing to see my name appear in your column. But I still love you! Melissa
Ausiello: That's what they all say, Missy.
Question: What's up with the ratings for Joan of Arcadia this year? Is there legitimate cause for concern, or do you think CBS will stick with the show? Brian Rowell
Ausiello: Ratings are down, but Joan still draws a devoted following on Friday nights. So I don't think there's cause for alarm just yet. Plus I hear God is working on quite the casting coup for February sweeps. Actually, I didn't just hear it I reported it in the new issue of TV Guide magazine, on sale tomorrow. (Here's a hint: It's Lizzie McGuire, er, Hilary Duff.) Someone alert the Scoop Police a crime has just been committed!
Question: I think you look like Quentin Tarantino. Anne
Ausiello: To quote Nicole Kidman from The Others, "That'll do, Anne."
Question: Yo! I still haven't heard from that certain blond woman you said was going to call me a couple of weeks ago ("Ask Ausiello" 10/27). Jason
Ausiello: Sorry, bro! Turns out, she'd rather you call her directly. Her number is 916-225-5887.
Question: I loved Outback Jack on TBS. Are there any plans for a second one? Mya
Ausiello: Nope, it's just gonna be the one. Sorry, Mya.