Today's News: Our Take


SHORT CUTS

FX has renewed Denis Leary's firefighter drama Rescue Me for a second season.... Paramount is developing a prequel to 1987's The Untouchables.... NBC is expected to pocket $50 million in profit from the Summer Olympics. read more

BREAKING HIS SILENCE

Reclusive rocker Bob Dylan will open up about his life and four-decade career in a memoir published this fall. Chronicles: Volume One, the first of a planned three-book series, is being described as a first-person narrative from the 63-year-old music icon. Let's hope the unintelligible singer doesn't plan on doing the audio book. read more

HE'S FIRED... UP!

Kwame Jackson is moving in on Donald Trump's turf. The Apprentice runner-up has closed a multibillion-dollar real-estate deal to develop a 130-acre area in Maryland's Prince George's County — one of the nation's more affluent black counties. His company, Legacy Holdings, is also planning an executive menswear line and a network TV show. "For me, The Apprentice was the beginning," he told the Associated Press. "It's not a ceiling, it's a floor." I can't be sure, but I think he just called Omarosa an ethnic slur. read more

WHAT A WASTE

The state of Illinois is suing the Dave Matthews Band for allegedly dumping 800 pounds of liquid human waste from its bus into the Chicago River, showering a crowded tour boat passing by. None of the 100 or so tourists sprayed with the waste were seriously injured, just seriously stinky. read more

MAKING WHOOPI

Fresh off that whole sitcom disaster, Whoopi Goldberg is returning to Broadway in the same one-woman show that launched her career two decades ago. The self-titled show opens Nov. 17 at the Lyceum Theatre, the same venue where the original premiered in 1984. read more

RODNEY HOSPITALIZED

Comedian Rodney Dangerfield, 82, is scheduled to undergo heart valve-replacement surgery today at UCLA Medical Center. Docs say his prognosis looks good. Last year, the respect-challenged entertainer underwent brain surgery to reduce his chances of having a stroke during the heart operation. read more

THREE FOR THE ROAD

CBS has ordered a comedy pilot from former Friends showrunners Andrew Reich and Ted Cohen. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the project — titled Three — revolves around a happily married couple and their recently divorced male friend. They should have just called it Third Wheel, 'cause, let's face facts, that's what the dude is. read more

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

Fans of a certain Saturday Night Live alumna can simma don na. SNL is at long last airing a Best Of Cheri Oteri special on Saturday, Sept. 4 (11:30 pm/ET). The 90-minute guffawfest will showcase such classic Oteri characters as Arianna the Spartan Spirit Cheerleader; prescription-addled Collette Reardon; Morning Latte ditz Cass Van Ry and, my personal fave, Rita "I keep it!" Del Vecchio. Prepare to wet yourself. read more

STONEWALLED

The company behind Siegfried & Roy's Las Vegas magic show has refused to turn over video to federal authorities investigating Roy Horn's tiger attack, the Associated Press reports. The U.S. Department of Agriculture, which is probing the show for possible violations of the Animal Welfare Act, says it will pursue other "legal avenues." This much they know: That tiger was pissed off about something. read more

SAD NEWS

Emmy-winning film director Daniel Petrie Sr. (A Raisin in the Sun, Sybil, Inherit the Wind) has died of cancer in Los Angeles. He was 83. "[Petrie] was known for his kind and thoughtful nature, but when it came to defending the economic and creative rights for [Directors Guild of America] members, Dan was one the toughest leaders at the negotiation table," said DGA president Michael Apted. "We will miss him greatly." read more

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