Question: I'm a famous person and I'm reading your column. Anonymous
Ausiello: Prove it, ya big wimp.
Question: Do you have any "insider info" on what the heck is going on with Paula Abdul? I swear on a stack of Diet Raspberry Snapples that this woman is on some serious Jesus Juice. What's the word, Mikey? Gina
Ausiello: I suspect the word is toomuchXanaxandbooze.
Question: Is FX going to make Rescue Me clean up its language this season? Matt Roush
Ausiello: Hardly. In fact, I hear exec producers Denis Leary and Peter Tolan plan to spend an entire episode debating the merits of a certain four-letter word that rhymes with swat. I say "plan" because I don't think they've told FX yet.
Question: Keri Russell! Now that I have your attention, is there any indication as to whether Joan of Arcadia is coming back next year? Rick Collarini
Ausiello: No fair, you tricked me into reading a question about Joan of Arcadia! Sadly, I think God's next assignment for Amber Tamblyn is gonna involve finding a new gig.
Question: Now that Lost is expanding its season finale to two hours (Ask Ausiello 3/30), what does this mean for Alias? Don't tell me now that they finally got Lena Olin back, they have to cut down her episode to an hour? Aaron Barker
Ausiello: Good news, Aaron. An ABC rep confirms that Episodes 21 and 22 which originally were going to be combined into one 90-minute finale will air as separate one-hour episodes on May 18 and May 25. As a result, it appears Irina's one-episode stint has now turned into two. I can only imagine what that's going to do to Ms. Olin's asking price.
Question: Has there been any word on whether or not Soapnet will buy the rights to air Santa Barbara? Tanya
Ausiello: I pester them about this at least once a month, and every time I get the same icy response: "No, sorry." Rumor has it the show's hit-rich soundtrack is rendering the whole thing cost-prohibitive for the fledgling suds network. I'm thisclose to buying the whole damn library myself and hosting a Santa Barbara Festival in New York City's Bryant Park this summer.
Question: Can you tell me when the Gilmore Girls season finale is? My friends and I are planning a party and we need to order the invitations! Thanks! Christa
Ausiello: It's May 17, Christa. Are you gonna have a press line at this shindig? If so, fax me a celeb tip sheet ASAP and I'll see about assigning a reporter to cover it.
Question: Is this the right place for questions? The feedback box? Or do I have to actually e-mail you? You never seem to answer them when I put them here. Shamita
Ausiello: No, you screwed up again, Shamita. How many times do I have to tell you: Slide the question under the door and I'll get to it when I get to it.
Question: I want to buy the new issue of TV Guide magazine with Gilmore Girls on the cover, but I live in Australia. Help! Carla
Ausiello: I normally don't do this sort of thing, Carla, but I'll go ahead and process your order myself. Let's see... A single copy of TV Guide magazine sets you back $2.79 U.S. $5.58 U.S. assuming you want both the Lorelai/Luke and Rory/Logan covers. After factoring in current exchange rates, shipping costs and a small handling fee, your total comes to $265 Australian. Go ahead and place the cash in an envelope and mail it to TV Guide's New York offices, attention Michael Ausiello. Because apparently, I have to do everything around here.
Question: I think House is one of the best new shows I've seen in a long time. Any scoop? Matt
Ausiello: This season's second-to-last episode airing May 17 will explore Dr. Grumpy's past via flashbacks. "House is going to be lecturing students about [his experiences as a doctor], and it's going to give you a glimpse of his perspective on the practice of medicine," series creator David Shore tells me. The episode will also reveal what happened to the doc's leg and introduce Sela Ward as his ex-girlfriend. It'll all set the stage for an emotional season finale that puts House in what can best be described as a very unenviable situation. (Hint: It involves his ex's new husband.)