Today's News: Our Take


TOXIC TIRADE

Britney Spears is biting the hand that strokes her sizable ego. The "singer" is lashing out at Us Weekly for publishing her "private" honeymoon pictures against her wishes. Spears claims Us obtained the pics from staffers working at the resort they were staying at. "Other magazines, including Star... refused to publish them," she said in a statement. "Kevin and I thank [them] for respecting our rights of privacy." Us wasted no time lashing back: "Coming from a celebrity who sold pictures of both her wedding and her stepdaughter, it's unlikely the issue here is privacy. Could it be that Britney is seeing red after not seeing the green from these photos?" Makes sense to me, but I think someone's gonna have to explain that complicated play on words to Brit. read more

AMBER ALERT!

The West Wing's Janel Moloney has scored the title role in CBS' upcoming telepic Witness: The Amber Frey Story, Variety reports. In case you didn't hear, Frey's adulterous affair with Scott Peterson was a major subplot in Peterson's recent murder trial. read more

CASTING COUPS

Desperate Housewives has tapped Oscar-nominated actress Lesley Ann Warren to play Teri Hatcher's "high-maintenance" mother (is there any other kind?) in an upcoming episode. In other casting news, Sharon Stone will guest-star on the April 14 Will & Grace as Will's "tough but competent" therapist (is there any other kind?). read more

RETURN TO THE SCENE

Snowboarding champion Tara Dakides — who was injured while performing an outdoor stunt on Late Show with Dave Letterman last February — stops by Monday's Late Show to attempt a backflip from a ramp constructed outside the Ed Sullivan Theater. As a result, New Yorkers are being urged to stay the hell away from Broadway between 53rd and 54th Streets between the hours of 3 and 8 pm. You know, just in case. read more

FROM SEX TO LOVE

Sarah Jessica Parker is attached to star in the Paramount feature Love Walked In. Per The Hollywood Reporter, Parker will play a sophisticated thirtysomething woman (get out) who must deal with the sudden reappearance of her boyfriend's 11-year-old daughter. The film is based on poet Marisa de los Santos' first novel. read more

LEGAL BRIEF

Cheers to Shelley Long, who's heading back to the tube for the first time since her November hospital stay. The Emmy winner will play a prim and proper "businesswoman" charged with having sex for money on Boston Legal. (I think they call those whores.) Meanwhile, ABC has announced that the new hospital drama Grey's Anatomy will take over Legal's Sunday time slot for four weeks beginning March 27. Legal returns April 24. read more

Survivor: Palau Survivor was starting...

Survivor: Palau
Survivor was starting to get too Real World predictable. So I liked that they switched up the game tonight by not splitting into two teams right away and making the players share a beach. I just wish organizers could've made that curveball fly a little farther. (Also would have been nice if CBS' promo guys hadn't given the big twist away. But what can you do.)

Along the way, though, there were some serious lessons to be learned from tonight's season premiere:
1. Don't stick out. In this game you don't want to be too exotic (Hello, Janu), too beautiful, too punk-rock (Angie), too strong, too crazy or too damn anything. When schoolteacher Wanda stood up on the boat and started singing her Survivor songs, she might as well have asked them to "Please send me home now."
2. Don't win the read more

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT REUNIONS

Luke Perry — who reunites with former 90210 sweetie Jennie Garth on next Friday's What I Like About You — will return for the final two episodes of the season, airing May 13 and 20. read more

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Fox has greenlit a comedy series about a group of friends battling eating disorders. That's right, Starved (debuting this summer) follows four thirtysomething Brooklynites — three guys and one girl — as they attempt to get control of their food issues. "While addiction, like life, is often dark and terrifying, recovery comes from mining our true humanity, with all its pathos, hope, love and humor," says star/exec producer Eric Schaeffer (Everything's Relative). "I think everyone, addicts and non-addicts alike, will identify with our characters' journeys." Like, for example, the one that'll take them from the dinner table to the toilet bowl. read more

Bossy Apprentice Bites Back


Sadly, commercial success eluded Kristen Kirchner on last week's Apprentice. Both teams were total washouts in their attempt to create a TV ad for Dove: The "book smart" staff of Magna Corp. created a porny promo with a cucumber, while Net Worth's "street smarts" amounted to a runner using body soap on his face. In the boardroom, Magna's commercial caused more controversy, but it was ultimately Net Worth's project manager who was fired for her inability to control her teammates, who all seemed to hate her. Here, TV Guide Online calls the 31-year-old realtor to hear what she has to say for herself. Of course, the bossy Kristen doesn't hold back!

TV Guide Online: You had it out for Audrey from the start. Why?
Kristen Kirchner:
I didn't like that she is 22 years old and thinks that she's lived every single aspect of her life. And instead of doing any read more

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