Emmett "borrows" a rare gaming card from Derek, but is in trouble when a teacher confiscates it. The stakes are raised when Emmett discovers the same teacher using the card at a tournament, and realizes he has to win it back.
Paige heads off to visit Wayne who's away on business, but the kids' plans for an exciting adult-free weekend is ruined when Bentley converts his parents' bedroom into a "bed and breakfast," and welcomes in an adult stranger with a past.
Derek's behavior leads his brothers to surmise he has a girlfriend when he's actually in a choir. Much to Derek's chagrin, Bentley, Paige and Emmett hone in on his choir life. Conner gets her wisdom teeth removed.
Emmett produces a "shockumentary" showcasing the intricate system of penalty jars for grammatical offenses. The family revolts and smashes the jars only to devolve into a pun-filled world that makes them crave their previous life.
Paige receives what she thinks is a love poem from a teacher, but Wayne disagrees. Before long, their squabble gets heated, and the kids intervene because they're worried their parents might get a divorce.
Wayne, Paige and Adam are fed up with chauffeuring Bentley. They insist he get his learner's permit even though he is scared of driving. Meanwhile, Derek and Conner feud over the "security threat" of a visiting rabbit.
The hockey tournament is cut short when Wayne enlists the kids to help him finish Paige's anniversary gift: an outdoor she-shed. However, things get complicated when Paige discovers she hates working in the she-shed, but must hide it from Wayne.
After being banned from the school's science fair, Emmett recruits Nate to enter a stink bomb disguised as a project. Meanwhile, Derek's so confident he'll win the science fair that he asks his siblings to coach him in the art of acting humbly surprised.
Emmett's parents forbid him from playing video games, so he seeks out an old-school arcade. Meanwhile, Paige wants to enhance her hand-eye coordination; and Wayne divulges a revealing secret about his past.
Emmett runs a t-shirt business from the garage and gets his siblings to work for him, but he runs into a snag when he learns his logo is copyrighted by a charity. Meanwhile, Paige's idea to work in a soundproof room has an unforeseen drawback.
Emmett wants to construct a drone, but he must put this project aside until he gets Conner a hawk for her birthday. Meanwhile, Bentley practices scoring films by scoring his family's every moment; and Paige encourage Wayne to bond with Emmett.
Adam gets hurt while sneaking in the house late, so Emmett covers for him. Wayne then grows concerned about how the injury will Adam's football career, while Bentley envies the attention lavished on Adam.
Emmett is so desperate to get to a local hot-dog-eating contest that he resorts to tunneling through the basement wall. Meanwhile, Adam and Bentley unearth a secret stockpile of chocolate-covered raisins.
Questions arise regarding the validity of a heroic story from Wayne's past in the series premiere of a sitcom about perfectionist parents raising a brood of overachievers—plus one son who is content with mediocrity.
Because it's never too early to plan Thursday night... two months from now.