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YOU'RE HIRED! AND SO ARE YOU!

Matt Dillon has signed on to play the villain in Disney's Love Bug update, Herbie: Fully Loaded, opposite Lindsay Lohan; Mummy mommy Rachel Weisz has landed the female lead (because, really, the male lead would've been kind of a stretch) in Pi auteur Darren Aronofsky's sci-fi thriller, The Fountain, with Hugh Jackman; and Elizabeth Perkins has been plucked from obscurity to be Mary-Louise Parker's prickly foil in the proposed Showtime series Weeds, about a dope-dealing suburbanite. All this, and still, no one has come up with a showcase yet for Next Action Star man-diva Jared. C'mon, Hollywood... think! Think!

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Matt Dillon has signed on to play the villain in Disney's Love Bug update, Herbie: Fully Loaded, opposite Lindsay Lohan; Mummy mommy Rachel Weisz has landed the female lead (because, really, the male lead would've been kind of a stretch) in Pi auteur Darren Aronofsky's sci-fi thriller, The Fountain, with Hugh Jackman; and Elizabeth Perkins has been plucked from obscurity to be Mary-Louise Parker's prickly foil in the proposed Showtime series Weeds, about a dope-dealing suburbanite. All this, and still, no one has come up with a showcase yet for Next Action Star man-diva Jared. C'mon, Hollywood... think! Think!