Saturday Night Live Saturday Night Live

Saturday Night Live
11:29/10:29c NBC
Here's some Fox news: The laugher opens its 35th season with actress Megan Fox, hot off her man-eating performance in Jennifer's Body, as a first-time host. It's been an off-season of high drama. Divisive politics, rude public behavior and stormy debates over health-care reform ruled the day — so we can expect the SNL players to tap into all that with their usual keen observation and comedic zeal. Speaking of zeal, passionate Irish überband U2 rally the evening with performances. Bono and the boys are in the midst of their sprawling 360° Tour (and just recently played two sold-out shows at Giants Stadium), so they should be in tight form. — Dean Maurer

Unlikely Animal Friends
8/7c National Geographic
Want to feel all warm and cuddly? Check out this touching documentary that explores some surprising friendships in the animal kingdom. The hour includes a look at a 130-year-old giant tortoise that's become a surrogate mother to an orphaned baby hippo, and a nurturing lioness that's adopted oryx calves as her own, defying the laws of nature. — Karen Andzejewicz

Children of the Corn
9/8c Syfy
We're going to guess that Donald P. Borchers, one of the producers of the 1984 adaptation of the Stephen King short story, didn't get enough corn and blood the first time around since he's the guy helming this 2009 made-for-cable remake. Kandyse McClure (Battlestar Galactica) and David Anders (Alias) play a not-so-happily married couple who unwittingly visit a town where the kids take their religion a little too seriously. — Michael Chant

My Neighbor's Secret
8/7c Lifetime Movie Network
A widower hides behind his grief while plotting revenge on the neighbor he holds responsible. A neighbor, mind you, who has done nothing but provide support and possibly a casserole. Nicholas Brendon, Chandra West, and Vincent Ventresca star in this 2009 cable thriller, which is loaded with love, anger, grief and revenge. — Rhoda Charles

8/7c Nickelodeon
For an upcoming Girl's Choice dance, Carly has a huge dating pool to choose from — all thanks to Sam announcing a "take Carly to the dance contest." So many possible suitors show up it becomes overwhelming, forcing Carly and her friends to narrow the pool down by meeting the boys via a speed-dating session. — Jennifer Sankowski