Alas, we have reached our first boring episode of The Bachelor Season 20. There just wasn't as much drama on this sojourn to Mexico City. Amanda and Lauren H.'s dates were unmemorable, because Amanda seems normal and nice and Lauren H. and Ben lack chemistry. The group date was light on conflict, and the cocktail party felt interminable. The main plot of this episode was Olivia's continued poisoning of the well with her rude, "not here to make friends" behavior.
The second half of this episode in particular totally became the Olivia show when her jerkitude finally crossed a line and Ben had to investigate. It ended on a cliffhanger, and we don't know if Ben is going to take away her rose and send her home or keep her around until Emily literally murders her. What we do know about next week is that Leah will be sent home, because Leah has done nothing this whole show. She threw a football, she jumped on a pogo stick, and never talked to Ben.
See? This episode was so boring I'm only thinking about stuff that happens in other weeks. Let's get to the awkward moments.
7. ABC won't spring for hotel rooms for everybody
When Ben was waking everybody up at 4:20 a.m. just hours after the production arrived in Mexico City, we caught a glimpse of how the girls are living, and it's not glamorous. Everyone is piled into just a few rooms and forced to share beds (Olivia and Jubilee together is perfect - I bet Jubes is like "face the other direction, your breath is terrible"). Caila is sleeping on a cot. It reminded me of the time my mom took me and my cousins to the amusement park in Lake George, New York and I slept in a little nest of blankets on the floor of the motel next to my brother who kept kicking me. Everyone was super embarrassed to have Ben see them with their makeup off and their retainers in, except Amanda, who woke up like this. Her hair was perfect and she was just like "good morning" in her little voice. It was impressive.
6. Ben, Mexico's travel ambassador
Ben clearly was just reciting facts from Mexico City's Wikipedia page. He doesn't even know how to pronounce "Viva la Mexico," so it's highly suspect that he has facts about the pyramids of Teotihuacan ready to go. He had to be looking at his phone while he was up in that hot air balloon, trying to look smart for Amanda. Ben is nice, but he doesn't give off much of a worldly vibe, does he? "[Mexico City] is the political and cultural capital of Mexico," says Mr. Higgins, your seventh grade social studies teacher.
5. It's not working out with Jubilee
Nobody understands poor Jubes. Her sense of humor is too dry, she's too socially awkward, and she's just too "complex" for this show. Ben sending her home at the cocktail party actually wasn't that awkward. It was mostly just sad. She and Ben are both good people, they just weren't connecting. Such is life. It was hard for Ben to do, and he was clearly, genuinely upset. But his decision came right after he went for a walk with Lauren B., and that probably made him realize he has to start making hard decisions. The awkward part was when he had to tell the other girls at the cocktail party that he had sent Jubilee home and he didn't know what to say. I suspect this is not the last we'll be seeing of Jubilee, though: ABC Entertainment President Paul Lee said last month that the next Bachelorette likely won't be white, and this season's other non-white Bachelor contestants are Amber and Caila, who seem unlikely to be able to carry a show.
4. The weird brother and sister chefs
Nico and Lula from Carbón bugged me out. They looked like parodies of self-important chefs. They could be Portlandia characters. They could be villains in a cartoon from the 1950s. They seemed nice, as far as chefs go, but I wouldn't trust them with keys to my house, you know? I'd come home and find a weird doll in my bedroom that seems to change positions every time I look away.
3. Lauren H. is so uncool
Lauren H. is built like a model, but she does not have the demeanor of a model. When she's backstage at the fashion show with the real models, she asks them "How long have you all been modeling for?" They've all been doing it for three or four or six years. They're professionals. Lauren raises her hand and says "Wow, one day." So oblivious! Nobody grinding away at their job wants to hear about some contest winner pretending for a day! I'm surprised nobody tripped her.
2. Emily hates Olivia too much
Emily's distaste for Olivia has crossed the line from normal annoyance with Olivia's behavior into full-on all-consuming hatred. No one likes Olivia, but no one else hates her so virulently. And Olivia doesn't even seem to treat Emily worse than she treats anyone else. Something about her just drives Emily crazy. You'd think Olivia killed one of Emily's fat dachshunds. Emily takes Ben aside to talk about Olivia. She calls Haley to complain about her. Emily hates Olivia so much that it's making her question if she could love Ben, because she isn't sure if she can love someone who likes Olivia. It's toxic to be so resentful. Her twin is gone, but Emily is still completely defined by her relationship to another woman.
1. "I feel like it's an episode of Teen Mom"
Olivia had been making snarky comments about Amanda being a mother all episode, but she completely crossed the line with this comment. Amanda is talking about her daughters and her relationship with her ex-husband, and Olivia, the rudest person in the world, equates Amanda's life with the MTV trainwreck tourism reality series that gave the world Farrah Abraham. First of all, Amanda was 22 when she had her first kid and she was married to the kids' father. Second of all, she has perfect hair. She has her sh-t together. "That was not a very nice thing to say," she says, in a hilarious understatement. Olivia realizes that her comment offends everyone, and she promises to try not be such an ass in the future. But the damage is done: Emily tells on her, Ben is now aware of Olivia's transgressions, and he might be taking away the group date rose he gave to her. But we'll have to wait until next week to find out.