Six Feet Under
Pilar Sandoval: 1970-2005. Roller-blading with three dogs, no helmet, on the cell phone, coming down a big hill. Let's face it... some people need to die. Now Rico wants to know why Nate tried to handle the intake with the grieving parents when he doesn't speak Spanish. Good question. Then Nate mocks Latinos' approach to burials. I sense a schmuck-Nate episode coming. (And here's Brenda to tell him the baby's developing normally, no irregularities. What, on this show? Don't hold your breath.) Then Nate stands up in the Quaker service to say how much he feels at peace being there, which would be a nice gesture if it weren't aimed at buttering up Maggie. Yup, schmuck-Nate time. Of course, Brenda matches him by referring to Maggie as a "sappy little ferret," but I suppose I should give her a pass since she knows exactly what her husband is up to. I'll say this for Nate, though I like his green-funeral idea, just as I like Rico's Latino-outreach idea.

But now let's talk about what I didn't like. Nate uses the mere possibility that the baby could be born with problems making it sound like it's definitely going to happen to get Maggie into bed. Schmuck-Nate. Which would work, dramatically, since showing Brenda waiting for him at the Quaker meeting she decided to support his interest in the religion and meet him there while he and Maggie have sex was suitably painful to see. But my god... his arm goes numb and then he collapses in an apparent stroke to end the episode? You've got to be kidding me. One impressive note, however: This show just cleared that shark by a mile.  MP

The Surreal Life
You know, I liked the bitchy Janice Dickinson of America's Next Top Model. While she was always brutally honest, she was hilarious and her criticisms were professional, not personal. This Janice, however, is cruel and selfish, and her ego just isn't funny anymore. She makes everything all about her and, unfortunately, the editors go along with her. Her objection to doing the burlesque show for charity was that she's a mother. Excuse me? This is the same woman we (and, presumably, her children) saw in what looked like a drunken/drugged-out stupor two weeks ago, and who flashed her butt cheek at Jose Canseco and the camera last week. I think it was the "for charity" part she most objected to, not the skin. (I hope some of the Top Model contestants who were punished for refusing to pose nude were watching this ironic moment.) And in the battle over the phone, she made Omarosa look good once again. If Janice hadn't hogged the camera, we could have been treated to more of the burlesque lesson from Kitten Deville and more of Jose and Carey quickly becoming so expert at ripping off their pants in public. At least we did get to see Omarosa's mildly funny wardrobe malfunction. As for the actual performance, I have to say that for a Maxim cover girl, Caprice sure lacked sex appeal as Lady Liberty, especially when compared to Pepa's Westward ho. But thank you, Surreal producers, for sparing everyone the sight of Bronson Pinchot's exposed flesh. I don't think Janice's children could have handled it.   Sabrina Rojas Weiss


Vince proposed to Mandy Moore?! That is a riot. Even funnier is that it's known as the "Walk to Remember Incident." But really, like he would go so stalker-gaga over Andy Roddick's ex oh, wait. Yeah, that makes sense. We love her. And we love that his still-shattered ego could cost her the Aquagirl gig. Because once that little pop tart gets wind of his plans to get her bounced from James Cameron's comic-book epic, you know she's gonna whip out some of that good-girl-gone-bad ballsiness that made Saved one of the greatest holy-roller comedies ever. Though I have to say I'm a little concerned about Drama's Jack Nicholson routine on the surfer who cut him off. Road rage can be fun, don't get me wrong. But going full-on golf-club kamikaze? Not pretty. Unless it's Ari hosing Josh Weinstein for spilling his real age to the folks at the "Under 40" photo spread. Now that is going to be gorgeous.  Damian J. Holbrook