The absurdity is just out of control on this show. I still laugh when I think about last week's kung-fu-fighting scene and the chest hands. They proceeded to get even more out of control this week. Elliot, who normally annoys me, had some of the best moments, like when she agreed with Carla's sentiment that "helping someone move is like oral sex: You do it once and then they owe you for life." Just the look on her face when she was talking about the guy who still does her taxes priceless. Also, she names her eggs during ovulation, comes up with cutesy terms like Icky Sticky for sexual acts or conditions and, best of all, her conclusion that, for a guy, a baby isn't the worst thing that can come out of sex. "Losing a baseball scholarship because a bear ate your arm is a much worse consequence of sex." Oh, and the other great non sequitur of the evening was J.D. revealing that his prison name would be Gizmo. The second episode was even better. How? A random Gary Busey appearance, a

Raiders of the Lost Ark homage inside someone's colon, J.D.'s vampire-doc screenplay "Dr. Acula" and Todd trying to get into the Janitor's "borrowed" physical-therapy tub wearing only a banana hammock. That action sent Todd right to 10 on the pain scale. You could tell, since the look on his face when he was receiving the ultimate wedgie matched the frownie face on Elliot's chart. The patient Elliot and Turk were treating could have really used some help from the dashing Dr. House: He's good at figuring out the unexplainable. The sweet dying woman hit the nail on the head with her quick evaluation of J.D.: "You are a very strange young man, aren't you?" That's an understatement. The shocking revelation of the night? Carla discovering that the Janitor has feelings. Seriously, who knew? But why a staff photo? Does any company really do that?