The Scholar Ok, can one of the helpful people that kindly explained plus 4.0 GPA's also explain to me what discreet math is? I feel so... old. Even older when watching truth or dare and I was shaking my head and dying to tell them that game leads to nothing but trouble and hurt feelings. But I didn't start shouting at the TV until the end of the episode when Liz went head to head with her flirt interest Davis. I kept shouting "take him down." Maybe I'm not so mature despite the age on my driver's license. But I just got annoyed that early in the episode he insisted that he wasn't cocky and then basically insisted that he had the challenge in the bag when he learned that it was a history quiz. He was so full of himself that he decided to include dramatic pauses on some of the easier questions and helped Liz study. So glad that backfired. And to top it all off his team won a kickin' prize — a 20 day summer trip to Europe! But if they have to go together, I'd be careful where I slept because his mutinous crew, who looked less than pleased at his drippy two minute filmatic love letter to Liz, may try to abandon him in an unknown port of call. — Angel Cohn

Six Feet Under
Lila Simonds Cooledge: 1909-2005. OK, check me on this. Lila's friend tells Rico and Nate she would've been 94 this year. Now, I came up in the '70s on that crazy "new math," so I have it as 96. Did I hear her wrong? Anyway, it doesn't really matter since Lila, who lived a good, long life either way, gets dropped from this episode toute de suite. "I suppose I'll be gone soon, too," she says before disappearing from the hour altogether. "That's OK. It happens." Good attitude, and one birthday boy Nate should adopt. Happy 40th birthday, Nate, by the way. I just did it myself, so here's a tip: Stop staring in the mirror so long; just assume you look better than you think you do because everyone does, and you're just gonna drive yourself nuts otherwise.

"I swear, sometimes you're like Eeyore," Jackie tells Brenda. Oh, like that's so crazy on this show? But speaking of Eeyore, is dead Nathaniel a downer, or what? Why are all the deceased such buzzkills? Then he tells Nate the next 40 years fly by even faster because you're so busy pretending to be happy. How would you know, Captain Killjoy? You only made it through about half those. Afterwards, Nate comes home to a surprise party, weathers Billy's bike-wreck story (eggs, huh?), blows the news about Brenda's pregnancy, tells Brenda to "shut the f--- up" and then to "f--- off," nearly hooks up with Maggie and then kills the bird that keeps flying into the house. That's pretending to be happy? Claire hooks up with a party guest and David nearly does so with the salon guy. Jeez, between that and Ruth's shrieking, you might almost think the Fishers aren't very good marriage material. And let me amend my death derby to make it a dual contest. Not only will I periodically guess who'll wake up dead by season's end, I'll also throw in who should. My guess as to who will this week: Nate. Who should? Oh, there are too many names to type in this time around. — Michael Peck

Hell's Kitchen
Wow. And all along, I've been thinking our tattooed Michael was the good one. Diligent, reserved, all inked up. Who knew that a) he was such a manipulator and b) crazier that a s---house rat. I mean, it's one thing to convince his Red teammates to bury the Blue Team in lasagna orders while working the floor on pasta night. That's just good strategy — and good eats. But referring to himself in the first person during that schizo 3 am rant out in the courtyard? "Michael hasn't been himself... Michael has stayed off the radar, plotting..." Yeah, Michael also needs to call the Fox dispensary, aiiight? And get Chris some Tums while you're at it. 'Cause that was a mighty big slice of humble pie you just served up by screwing the dude into being eliminated and you know it ain't sitting well with Braggy McExecutive-Chef. Though I'm thinking the one who really got the shaft with that move is Mikey himself. After all, unless the teams are split up next week, he stuck with inexperienced Elsie and Jimmy the sweating wonder. And really, is this a group you'd want to peppering your paprikash? — Damian J. Holbrook

First things first: man, did C. Thomas Howell look freakin' old. I almost didn't recognize Ponyboy there for a minute. Sure, he was playing a drunk with the trademark black circles under bloodshot eyes, week-old stubble and perma bedhead. But didja check out those deep lines and the sunken hollowed cheeks? They're courtesy of father time, not the Summerland make-up crew. Guess C. To is old enough to have a 14-year-old son, which would then make me... well, never mind. Anyway, you knew once Nikki spilled the beans about Kyle's drinking problem, sad-sack Cameron would stay at the beach house until dad sobered up. (Hey, what's one more kid, right?) Looks like the very poised, very confident teen's not the only one fixing broken souls. Bryce's hot little sister (who looked a lot like Alexis Bledel in some scenes and Amber Tamblyn in others) rescued Bradin from a college-less future telling boring old surfer stories. Onetime playboy Jay fell in love with Isabel and saved her from the so-called perils of single parenthood. Lest he be left out of the pity party, Johnny went all Alateen on Cameron, offering up his own stories about his drunken mom. (Is this "family" too much, or what?) What ever happened to the dysfunction, to the awkward, sullen, insolent Midwestern kids we knew and loved? Watching the pieces come together never is any fun, which is why this summer is coming to an early end. — Robin Honig

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