Rescue Me
Never thought I'd agree with Tommy on much, but I'm not buying Sheila's sudden lesbian conversion, either. Way too convenient and forced. Got an audible laugh out of me, though, when Katie asked why "Auntie Sheila" was touching that other woman's... well, you saw it. Thus we begin another week of what my English teacher used call man-vs.-himself. "Rock bottom it just doesn't exist for you, does it?" Johnny asks Tommy when he catches him donating Dumpster-dive clothes to Murph's donation drive. Of course not, dummy. Second laugh-out-loud moment: the random woman yelling "catamites" on the sidewalk. And Mike walking out of Steven's party to tell the boys it's "not really a beer crowd in there" had me smiling, too.

Now normally I'd slam Sean for slipping and telling Laura about Franco's nurse source, but he didn't know the two of them were together when he spilled, did he? And he's not nearly as dumb as Franco is for trying to play hardass before even finding out why Laura's so furious. And count on the probie for another laugh, with his cheesy "gun show" come-on. Best-delivered line of the night, courtesy of Laura (to Franco): "Maybe you should just warn the next person that comes along that that's all you really got in you, y'know? Before she's stupid enough to fall." Then the surprises come hard and fast. Can't believe it never occurred to me that Lou might fall for Candy, and I sure as hell never thought she'd feel the same way. I didn't think Johnny would be the one to tell Janet where Tommy had the kids stashed, or that she'd show up wanting to give the marriage another shot. But the biggest shock of the night: Tommy hesitating. I mean, our man's stupid. But is he that stupid?  Michael Peck

Rock Star: INXS
There's no denying that all of the competition's rockers, both present and past, are capable singers. However, it's becoming clear that only a few have the nuance necessary to front INXS. I just can't imagine some of these guys succeeding outside of their respective genres. Then again, I can't imagine much right now, because Brooke Burke isn't wearing pants. But rock is all about soldiering on in the legs, er, face of adversity, so I'll do my best to recap.

Suzie: If Evanescence were to cover "Losing My Religion," it would sound like this. Mixing some grungy wailing into her breathy delivery, Suzie Q kicked off the show with something truly inventive.
MiG: Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new singer of INXS. I simply cannot see how Kirk, Garry and the Brothers Farriss could choose someone over MiGgy. This guy could sing the liner notes of an INXS album and turn them into a showstopper.
J.D.: A friend of mine thinks everything J.D. does borders on the inappropriate. And after his bizarre reconciliation with MiG (via a message on his tattooed forearms) on Sunday, I'm inclined to agree with her. In retrospect, Seal's "Crazy" suits J.D. just fine.
Jessica: Her "Come As You Are" sounded like a bar-band cover version. Midway through, I found myself looking for the shot girl.
Jordis: Having recently jammed with Hollywood party band Camp Freddy at an X-Games soirée, Jordis solidified herself as one cool chick. Which makes her underwhelming take on "Layla" all the more disappointing.
Brandon: Brando's delivery of "It's All Over Now" is as rough as cheap whiskey. And that's why it's so good. Has that shot girl come by yet?
Marty: Mr. Nice Guy unplugs and goes solo for "Mr. Brightside" and it's the performance of the night. Almost more killer than the Killers themselves.
Deanna: With her bluesy way of belting out the classic-rock canon, Deanna would make the perfect duet partner for Brandon, wouldn't she? Here's hoping they exchange numbers before they're both bounced.
Ty: After ending up in the bottom three last week, Ty calls upon Da Prophet, Bob Marley, for a redemption song. And, boy, does he find it in  "No Woman, No Cry." Turning in the most passionate performance of the series, Ty got his groove back. Irie, irie, bro. And while I still don't believe Ty will be able to usurp his MiGness, I think that, in the end, everything's gonna be all right for his career.  Joseph Hudak