Question: I loathed Stanley Kubrick's filmed version of The Shining, but loved the ABC Miniseries Stephen King himself wrote. ABC made It, The Stand, and The Langoliers available on video, so are there any plans to release Stephen King's The Shining as well? I certainly hope so. — Eric S., Glendale, Ariz.

Televisionary: Y'know, Eric, I've never insulted a reader (well, not this week, anyway), but I want you to think long and hard about some of your beliefs and the effect they may have on how others see you. You loathed the Kubrick film but loved the network version? Whenever I'm faced with a difference of opinion I try to think of my dear, level-headed dad and his mantra of "that's why there's vanilla and chocolate," but you're out of your tree on this one, mister.

On my side, I've got a master director (um, except for Eyes Wide Shut), Jack Nicholson, the thick-with-tension subjective-camera Big Wheel shots, those two creepy little girls and torrents of blood. On yours you've got a moving firehose (save us — a firehose!), menacing topiaries (oh, no — prickers!) and a kid so annoying I prayed King would deviate from his own book and let Steven Weber croquet him into next week. Now, allow me to make my point with that right there, please. I've got Randle Patrick "I want that television set turned on right now" McMurphy on my side and you've got Brian from Wings. I rest my case.

But hey, don't let me sway you, Eric. When your crappy version comes out on DVD in January, you go right ahead and buy it. AOL Time Warner can sure use the 25 bucks.

(My boss says I need a better attitude, by the way — how am I doing?)