The Power of Intention
So, basically, you can have what you want in life. But only if you really, really intend to get it. Blah, blah, tapping into energy, blah. That's about all I got from this PBS special because I could only stand 13 minutes. I mean, I know people pay good money to hear Dr. Wayne Dyer talk, but dang. [Me channeling my inner Chandler Bing] Could this self-help guru be any more boring?

Yes, Dear
OK. I missed the first half of this show (Blame Dyer!). But somehow Jimmy managed to get onto Big Brother. And he was doing pretty well until Greg tried to "save" him from being ousted and got him kicked out of the house instead. But that's not what got me. My real deal with this episode — a funny repeat. But hey it's new to me! — is that it doubled as a blatant infomercial for Big Brother. Not only was it taped on the Big Brother set (which happens to be on the same lot as Yes, Dear), it used real Big Brother contestants. Talk about cross-platform, corporate family, product placement!

"I want a Will and Jada relationship," Eve told Rita and Janie of her hopes for a mature connection with J.T. Shoot. Don't we all. I mean, seriously. At this point, I would settle for a Nick and Jessica or a pre-shoot-out J.Lo and P.Diddy — anything but my usual Will and Grace. If you know what I mean. But curse of my single status aside, this was a good episode. Eve's struggle to keep from sleeping with J.T. was not only admirable but instructional. And you can bet I'm gonna steal her "Knowledge before nookie" dating mantra. Hello!

The New Nike Commercials
Serena Williams as a beach volleyball player. Marian Jones as an Olympic gymnast. Andre Agassi playing for the Red Sox... Oh, I get it. This is a cool but technologically demented spot.

Monster House
Alright. Let me make sure I'm getting this right. Five guys worked five days, 12-hours a day, turning a couple's den into a sweet prohibition era-style speakeasy (complete with a new skylight, tin ceilings, a faux wall with hidden liquor compartments, a new bar, plus a boiler-plate covered fireplace). And all they won was some tools? Tools. Please tell me the exposure also nets them some contracting gigs or something. Otherwise I have to rename this show Monster Non-Union Labor.

Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels
From the writing to the lighting, this expos&#233 is so bad it's instant classic camp. The unknowns playing the angels really look like Farrah Fawcett-Majors, Kate Jackson and Jaclyn Smith. Poor things. You can actually feel them trying to move, sound and be one with the angels. Especially that Lauren Stamile, the woman playing Jackson. It's almost cute. (Look at me, Ma. I'm acting!) And that scene where Tricia Helfer enters as Farrah for the first time and walks, slow-mo down the stairs... Her boobs were out of control! I mean, I'm not one to eyeball a woman's rackage. But come on. Those things were like comic-book breasts — all perky, perfectly round oranges stuck in her chest. Who is her doctor? Oh, and don't get me started on Dan Castellaneta, a.k.a. the guy who's playing Aaron Spelling. He is killing me. Literally driving me to eat to dull the pain. How could he be this bad? It must be intentionally camp.

Forever Eden
That's it. I'm getting a reality show. Because, clearly, they're giving them away at Fox.

Judas Now, look. No matter what I say about this "interpretative dramatization" (can I call it a biopic?), it's going to offend someone somewhere. So, I'm apologizing in advance. This is, as Ruben sings, my sorry for 2004. Don't go blamin' TV Guide or nothing.1. Jonathon Scarfe is the worst Jesus ever. And I'm pretty sure that playing the son of God badly is a sin.2. Call this the Gospel According to Oz-writer Tom Fontana. In his book, Judas was a lonely, misunderstood revolutionary trying to raise an army to free the Jews from Roman rule. All he wanted was a little brotherly love from Jesus — the man he hoped to literally crown the earthly king of Jews. Is that so wrong?3. Judas is hot! And that is wrong. The guy playing the ultimate betrayer (Johnathon Schaech is his name) should not upstage the Messiah. I mean, he has piercing green eyes and great hair for days. That's just not right.4. Also not right... the fabulous accessories in this film. Apparently, biblical types knew how to work a brass bracelet and amulet.5. This movie made me break out my NIV Bible. Surely I must have dozed off in Sunday school on the day where they talked about how Judas' mom died right before Passover week and he accepted the 30 pieces of silver from Caiaphas to pay for her funeral and not for betraying Jesus. I checked Matthew: Nope. Mark: Not there. Luke: Not there again. John: Nope. Oh, wait. Of course it didn't happen. This is just a movie!6. Speaking of movies, after watching Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ (which I loved) and then catching this made-for-TV flick (which I also enjoyed), I could almost see how some people might, on a bad day, say Passion was anti-Semitic. I don't agree. But I could almost see it. Both films have all the same players. And the events happen in the same order. But they take drastically different approaches. In Mel's film, the high priest Caiaphas was an evil, corrupt leader bent on bringing Jesus down and the Roman governor Pilate was this well-meaning politician (what an oxymoron!) caught in the middle. In Fontana's take Pilate was pretty much just a jerk trying to keep from getting banished to Albania and Caiaphas was a leader who liked Jesus and would even crown him king if only he'd take it down a notch and chill with the miracle-making on the Sabbath.7. Question: What was up with the mood lighting at the Last Supper? The table was lit from beneath like a nightclub bar. I'm pretty sure that's a new form of sacrilege.8. Another question: And this is not really related to Judas, but, what happened to all the people Jesus performed miracles on? I was thinking about that during the scene where Jesus healed the paralyzed man at Capernaum. The dude got up and walked out. But then what happened? Did he go back to his family? Find a better job? Meet another wife? Open a storefront church? What?