Everyone else mocks poor Paris Hilton, so why not Mr. Blackwell? He's dubbed the Simple Life star No. 1 — calling her "the vapid Venus of Beverly Hills" — on his 44th annual Worst Dressed Women list. The grumpy old fashionista also nails Madonna and Britney Spears, lamenting, "Someone arrest the kissin' cousins of couture crime!" Worse yet, he likens Melanie Griffith to "a botoxed cockatoo" and Celine Dion to "Abe Lincoln in drag." Now, that's not very nice.