The O.C.
Is it weird that I take comfort in the idea of Marissa and Ryan reuniting? Even if they were the Sid and Nancy of Newport the first time around, Broody McWifebeater himself said, "Last year was better because it was all new." And it can be new again, right? I mean, now that Alex went off into the horizon, Coop is newly hasbian (a failed gay) and Ryan's newly... shaggy. Seriously, Ben, get a trim. Anyway, these two should get to hooking up and moving her back into Caleb's compound, pronto. They may have missed a makeout chance at the obviously insured-out-the-wazoo Harbor School's bonfire extravaganza, but with that skeezy, Scorpions-listening Lance one set of overpumped delts away from leaking Julie's porno, it's only right that Marissa be sharing the same cage with Ginger Lynn Jr. in time for the fireworks. I think there are still some deck chairs that need to be tossed into the pool. Oh, and I've got to say, that this pit stop on Sappho Isle? The best thing to happen to Mischa Barton since that first-season Marc Jacobs dress. She's finally holding her own with Adam Brody, as proven by the growing number of scenes they've been given lately, and her bits with the increasingly adorable Rachel Bilson seem like the two of them may actually be friends. It's quite nice. Unlike, say, the fact that Kirsten's been spending more time with this Carter character than with her own Cohen. Trust me, I understand the allure of a Husker D&#252 fan in faded Diesels, OK? But the dude could barely handle Sela Ward and Shane West — hell, he hasn't even noticed that Marissa made out Evan Rachel Wood back in the day! You really think he could deal with Seth? Get home and get your schmear on with Sandy before it's too late! — Damian Holbrook

The Apprentice
Ah, Todd, we barely knew ye. And your quip that you didn't come in last, you came in 18th? Nice try. And Annoying Audrey and Brian the Toilet King insisting after the fact that they could be quality Trump employees? I don't think so. Like that crazy basketball tournament going on right now, Trump is all about the single elimination. When you're fired, you stay fired. At least Michael, as lazy as he was, took losing in stride and just blamed his college cohorts. "If I was dealing with the mob, I probably would have gotten a better shake."

Was Danny's audition tape the inspiration for the forthcoming Apprentice musical? If so, will he be the composer when the show — god forbid — makes it to the Great White Way? Either way, watching him sing and dance around like he was starring in an eBay commercial was by far the highlight of this recap episode. Oh, and that I got to actually see that previously cut corporate reshuffle scene that John told me about. That hyped extra scene with Gene Simmons just had more of Stephanie flirting and we didn't even get to see the famous tongue. That bites. — Angel Cohn

NCAA Basketball
Survivor got bumped for a bunch of sweaty college kids? While I grew up surrounded by basketball — my dad is a coach and a referee — the whole March Madness thing is still a little overwhelming to me. But I was so excited that I had a team to root for this year in Maryland; their forward Nik Caner-Medley could often be found shooting hoops in the front yard with my dad back when he was my height. But since the Terps' invite to the Big Dance got lost in the mail or something and they are hanging out at the NIT spring fling instead, I had to find another team to cheer on. So being a Jersey transplant and someone who likes the underdogs — heck, I'm a Mets fan — I decided to send my good wishes to the Fairleigh Dickinson University Knights. Tonight they took on the No. 1 team in the nation, Illinois, and there was a teeny chance that this could be one of those big upsets and it would mess up all those people who think they've got bracketology down to a science.

Too bad that after a hopeful first half, they lost 55 to 67. Better luck next year. There were a ton of other games on, with scores conveniently running at the top of the screen, but one was all I could handle. For more NCAA highlights and listings of upcoming games, visit our sports section. In my case, though, I think I'd still rather watch people on an island being deceptive to win, instead of these nail-biting games between young kids, where I find myself uncontrollably yelling at the TV. Besides, having watched St. Patrick's Day revelers in New York City today, I already got my fill of some real March Madness. — AC