Our top moments of the week:
12. Worst Foreplay: Bay and Ty finally decide to consummate their relationship on Switched at Birth. Nervous about her first time, Bay's nervousness surfaces when she nearly ignites Ty's shirt with a burning candle and can't stop talking incessantly. Finally, Ty takes control of the situation and silences Bay and blows out the candle. So much for dirty talk!
11. You Can't Handle the (Half-)Truth Award: After Julia nearly dies while digging into the truth about her husband on Under the Dome, Barbie tells her that her husband owed a bookie a lot of money — and that Barbie had come to town to collect. Except that's not the full story now, is it, Barbie? He tells Julia that her husband skipped town, instead of revealing that he had in fact just murdered and buried him before the dome came down.
10. Best-Laid Plan Award: After Harvey lost his bet with Jessica last season and was forced to stay with the firm and sign a non-compete agreement on Suits, he initially wants out, arranging a deal with Darby to get fired. But then he thinks better of it. He proposes to Darby that if he wins a very important bribery case, the Brit will back him for managing partner. "You want to take down Jessica?" Darby asks. "Yes," Harvey replies.
9. Dead Man Walking Award: When April tells her friends that she keeps seeing her late husband, Paul, in the streets, her fellow Mistresses give her sad eyes and tell her that she just needs closure. How's this for closure, ladies? A knock on April's door reveals a very-much-alive Paul! At least she won't feel that dumb for thinking he was calling from beyond the grave now.
8. Battle Royale Award: Bill's vision of Pam, Eric, Tara and Jessica sizzling in the sun doesn't exactly come true on this week's episode of True Blood, but is it any better than Sexy Sarah Newlin has pitted Eric against Pam in a to-the-death face-off with only stakes as weapons. "That's his progeny," Sarah says. "They love each other." How much? We'll soon find out.
7. Biggest Twist: What's in the file that Henry gave Annie on Covert Affairs last season? Intel that Arthur has been siphoning money to a terrorist group in Colombia led by someone ominously nicknamed The Puma. But that's not the biggest shocker: Auggie later tells Annie that The Puma, aka Teo (Manolo Cardona), is Arthur's son! With Auggie threatening to tell Annie the full story, Arthur has no choice but to resign, claiming that he's been in an extramarital affair, just as Henry suspected. "This changes everything," Annie says. No kidding.
6. Weirdest Duet: Jimmy Fallon does lots of silly things on Late Night, but his most perplexing stunt comes when he welcomes "Michael Jordan" — aka Kristen Wiig in a Bulls jersey and a bald cap — to the show. After an excruciatingly long interview, Jimmy commands MJ to sing "the song," which turns out to be Daft Punk's "Get Lucky." We're still not quite sure what's going on or why, but with visions of Andy Kaufman and David Letterman dancing in our memories, it's all wonderfully surreal.
5. Extreme Makeover: Hair Edition: Thanks to a 14-month flash-forward that will frame the events of the second season of HBO's The Newsroom, the first time we see Future Maggie, it's a shock to discover she's chopped off her long blond locks and is instead sporting a disturbing, spiky red 'do that one character likens to the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. (We'd say Season 2 Miranda from Sex and the City, perhaps only so we can justify Maggie's other ridiculous plotline.) Will explains that during a recent assignment in Africa, "things got very real, very fast" for Maggie and she hasn't been the same since. Which made us wonder: Do they not have cosmos in Uganda?
4. The High Road Award: Big Brother's latest racially charged argument — which stems from Aaryn flipping the mattress of African-American contestant Candice — ends when Howard, who's also black, carries Candice out of the room and movingly asks her to try to ignore Aaryn and GinaMarie's racist remarks and taunts. "You're not being weak if you let them have it; you're just being bigger," he tells Candice, who breaks down in tears. "You're not hiding. We take this route, it's going to be better for us, I promise you."
3. Greasiest Game: After Mama June confiscates the girls' cell phones on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, they need to come up with another way to pass the time. So they slather the kitchen floor with canola oil and butter to make a "Redneck Slip 'n' Slide." (Slogan: Mo' butter, mo' better, mo' slipperier.) Do not try this at home, kids.
2. Best Tribute: Days after Cory Monteith's tragic and sudden death, his Glee co-star Jane Lynch fulfills her prior commitment to appear on The Tonight Show and pays a heartfelt tribute to the late star. "Cory's one of the biggest hearts, was a real bright light," she tells Jay Leno, as her voice starts to crack. Lynch tells a story about how Monteith once flew across the country with his own money to visit a dying fan. "I don't think he left one day unlived. He was a real bright light in our family. We've lost a really great guy." Pass the tissues — and those Glee soundtracks, please.
1. Best Speech: Robin Roberts steals the show — and our hearts — at the ESPY Awards with a powerful, inspirational speech while accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. A breast cancer survivor who underwent a bone marrow transplant to treat a blood disease earlier this year, Roberts recounts her two health battles and shares some pearls of wisdom from her mother: "Mama used to say, 'Make your mess your message. Find the meaning behind whatever it is you're going through because everybody's got something," Roberts says.
What were your top moments?