I just don't get Locke. Why would he give Sayid a gun and then tell him that he was the one who hit him upside the head and foiled his plan to find the source of the French transmission? Sure, he had that whole hooey excuse about how he didn't want them all to die because of whatever had killed the former islanders, but he just shouldn't have told him. Some things are best kept secret, especially on Magical Mystery Island. His timing was also strange when he crashed Boone's funeral, where he was about as welcome as a mistress who shows up and wails over the coffin while the grieving wife and family look on in disbelief. Did that bright hatch-light fry some of his brain cells or is he just plain crazy?
One thing that did make sense was Sayid's 24-style backstory, where he was used as bait for a terrorist group in order first to find and then save the woman he loved and helped escape from an Iraqi prison. That he spent seven years searching for her says a lot about the kind of man he is — and that was only compounded by the shocker that he wasn't meant to be on Oceanic 815, but that he cared enough about his deceased friend to change flights so he could give him a proper burial. Maybe if Shannon knew what we do, she'd be less quick to judge and hold a grudge against the conflicted but lovesick hero.
Love that all the heavy drama was so perfectly tempered with the funny moments — like Hurley and Charlie trying to sing to Claire's kid, aka "Turniphead"; the satisfied look on Kate's face when Jack realized she'd drugged him; and Sawyer being the only one who could soothe the screaming infant. Hey, I'm with the baby! Sawyer's Southern drawl is perfect for bedtime stories. — Angel Cohn
Well, there's nothing like an abandoned baby to help Lana and Clark get right with their own banged-up inner children, huh? There's also nothing like an abandoned baby who ages faster than those soap-opera kids who head off to boarding school only to come back six months later as 25-year-olds with chiseled jaws and perfect skin. Sort of like Jensen Ackles when he was on Days of our Lives. Unfortunately, by going from an infant to a tweener to a teen in record time, this little rascal skipped the fun parts of growing up — like reading DC Comics, which might have been handier for him than tearing through the encyclopedia — and went straight to accidentally offing his no-good father. Hey, it happens, right? Speaking of bad dads, what is going on with Lionel? The big scary hair hints at a return to the dark side, but I'm not sure who he's screwing with worse, Lex or Genevieve. Probably the latter, since he poisoned that beyotch for threatening his boy. Either way, the closer we get to the end of this whole element-stone story line, the more it looks like one of the grown-ups will be DOA by the finale. Let's hope that whoever it is gets to blow up like mutant-spawn Evan. I mean, not only did his death push the grieving pseudo-parents Clark and Lana into each other's arms, his crazy DNA also gave Lex a leg up on farm boy's secret. Plus, it was also cool. Some might even say supercool. God, I really am a geeky fanboy. — Damian J. Holbrook
First off, how fitting that the Top Five sang "Bridge Over Troubled Water" on the very night ABC's exposé promises to blow the baby-T off Simon's back. And not horrifyingly, either. That was special. Second, eat it, votefortheworst.com! That's right, you heard me. He Who Shall Not Be Named has left the building. And you know what? I'm surprised. Honestly, it was a good week for Scott and, compared to Anthony's uneven Tuesday performances, he probably should have been spared. But between his mouthy frontin' and the brutal e-mails from his fans, I'm sure I'll recover. Much like Pat O'Brien. Only without Betsy. Or all the tacky timed-for-sweeps interviews. — DJH
(Can't get enough American Idol? Watch Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez dish about the music on Idol Chat, Thursdays at 8 pm/ET on TV Guide Channel.
You have got to be kidding me. Under amazing deadline pressure, the CIA was supposedly able to replicate the Bristow home circa 1981, including even the most minor details? Yeah, OK. I'm so sure they have all that stuff on file, too. And, for the sake of argument, let's say they actually did, and Sloane even filled in the blanks; it's still beyond preposterous. I have no problem suspending reality, but let's not change the rules in the middle of the game. I mean, why not send Wonder Woman and SpongeBob SquarePants to the rescue while we're at it? Nevertheless, in the midst of all this insanity was a truly poignant scene: That moment when Sydney unexpectedly got a glimpse into her dad's real feelings for her was both sweet and heartbreaking. I'm just glad that the ruse ended when it did; the more lovey-dovey Jack got, the more squirming I did in my chair.
A few other surprises:
Primetime Live: Fallen Idol
What a load of crap! This Corey Clark is still so full of sour grapes about being kicked off Idol in 2002, you can practically see the cheap whine oozing out of his pores. Like we'd believe a bitter bad-check-passing wannabe who a) lied about b) being arrested for c) assaulting his little sister, that Paula Abdul coached him on song choice and the humpty-hump? Please, we all know she's clueless about music and, if you didn't notice, the dude's DL look makes Randy Jackson's Journey gear seem butch. Though it's no wonder this fairy tale is coming out now; based on what we heard, Clark's soon-to-drop CD needs all the press it can get. Hello, suck city. Even if the "I heard rumors back then" comment from that one ousted singer was kind of damning, it's telling that the so-called couple's trip to the cell-phone store wasn't verified on screen. Nor was there proof that any of those calls came from Abdul's number. All Clark has is one voice mail from her warning him about a rumor that he started in the first place! Besides, months before all of this blew up, Simon Cowell himself told me that contact with the contestants is kept "to a minimum... it's healthier for us and [those] in the competition." So if you think he'd allow this to go on backstage, ya'll got another think coming. But I think the strongest weapon against these charges is the always-up Abdul herself. In her e-mail to ABC, she calls Clark a flat-out "opportunist" and "a liar." Which is mighty tough talk from a woman who never met a compliment she didn't breathlessly utter. So you know she's gotta mean it. Straight up. — DJH
"He said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven." That's Luke 10:18, according to the opening graphic. So just in case you were wondering which direction to fear, it's up, not down, people. (And stop worrying about that scary shape in your closet at night. That's just that suit you can't fit into anymore.) Now here's evil Isaiah Haden drawing the Sisters of Mercy nun from his dream (when he was looking through poor Olivia's eyes), and it's proof-positive that while he may be an unspeakably powerful force of evil unmeasured, the Devil can't draw for crap. I could manage a better nun than him, and I can't even do that stupid Tippy the Turtle. Then there's Fred Durst beating some poor trooper to death with a tire iron. Trying to work off that Virgin Megastore remainder-bin anger, Fred?
As for Haden's trial, can you imagine pulling jury duty on that one? I thought being an alternate on a DUI case was bad. "Yes, your honor, we find the defendant, Satan, guilty as charged. No need to give me that service-fulfilled slip, thanks. I'll just wait right here for the hellhounds to come rip my heart out through my esophagus." (And c'mon, now — would the guards really let the other prisoners watch the trial on TV? Bigger question: What the hell am I thinking, grading an End of Days drama for realism?)
Say, that pregnant lady's sonogram shows her kid's got curly horns! What's that mean for our future? Dunno. But as for his, he's got that mascot gig whenever he wants it. And it turns out Hawk has to be a virgin in order for his blood to work when they sacrifice him to the Antichrist. So, tell me again... what's his motivation for honoring that abstinence pledge? Adding insult to injury, not only does evil Fred's evil gal pal shove the kid off a cliff and into an ice-water-filled quarry, she manages to push with just the right force to make him do a belly flop from 50 feet up. Like the nuns always say, oy. No rest for the wicked. But right about now it definitely sucks worse for the good. — Michael Peck
Top Model got ug-lee tonight when the girls had to critique each other's photos and analyze the competition. Catty Keenyah seemed to have no problem taking the other girls down. Going back to the suite is going to be awkward. But at least bug-eyed Christina, who took the brunt of the constructive criticism, won't have to deal with that since she mercifully got sent packing.