Is it just me or are networks starting shows later in the season and turning to repeats sooner? I only ask because last night both Girlfriends and CSI: Miami were already hit by the "previously broadcast" bug. Not that that made me turn the TV off or anything. I'm just saying.

Fat Like Me
OK, people. Only in America does spending a few hours in a fat suit constitute "a life changing experience." Yeah, right. I'm sorry. I don't mean to knock a special that's got such good intentions, but you've got to be kidding me. Meredith "I-was-the-fat-girl-in-the-red-coat" Vieira telling me what it's like to live large? That has about as much credibility as Sharon Osbourne giving lessons on living within a budget. I mean, seriously. BTW: Is it wrong that I was eating dinner while watching this?

Joe Millionaire 2
Again I say "poor David." This short drink of water is not going to last for the run of this show. Heck, he's like Gomer Pyle. And — well, golly! — he barely made it through the second episode. That lie about the horse... told to those European women... somebody's going to crack. My money's on that crazy-fun Italian bartender Alissa. She clowns too much for her own good. If her "future husband" tries to eliminate her, I'm betting she turns that smile upside down and tries to cut David — and his horse Hurricane — in their sleep.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, let me break it down for you: Last night cute cowboy David Smith officially met each of the 14 girls. Correctly identified the capital of half their countries. Danced with the women and then gave pearl roses to 11 of them. In between, there were some serious, you've-got-to-be-kidding me exchanges. Tops on the list, something uttered by Thereza, the 21-year-old "assistant writer" (yeah, right) from the Czech Republic: " I thought I might be gone because I was cursing," she said. "I was drinking vodka and I didn't wear any underwear." Um, I'm not even gon' touch that. Then there was David's conversation with Jerusha, the soon-to-be-eliminated German law student:

David: Where do you live in Germany?
Jerusha: In Berlin.
David: In Berlin? Is that the capital? (He looks to butler Paul Hogan). It is! See, I'm smarter than I thought I was.

Well, howdy cowboy. I guess you are. I on the other hand, am not. I can't believe I watched this entire episode. (Why? Why!) Last week I called Hogan a hustler, baby. But I take it all back. He's not the hustler. This International Affair's producers are. They're pimping us to advertisers like hookers on point. And it's not cool.

The stupidity of Joe freaking Millionaire got me so riled up it almost ruined my new favorite show. Almost. For a minute. But then the theme song started, and I got so excited that I got the shakes. And, let me tell you, I hate being a cheerleader for this show. Seriously. But Ron Silver's pornographer with the heart of gold? He's going to send me to a land called Valium. When he turned down that doe-eyed 19-year-old porn-star-wannabe, I'm not gonna lie. I almost cried. I mean, the fact that he even has a go-home-and-think-it-over speech... Come on now. And the romance between Adam and Jewel: That's going to break me. For-real, for-real. They so nailed the post "first time" conversation it's not even funny. The awkwardness. The fear. The regret. Oh, God! Why do I love this show? Let me count the ways.

Radio Music Awards
Are they just giving airtime away? No, seriously. They must be. How else can you explain the fact that this infomercial for the Aladdin Hotel was longer than 22 minutes. At least on Las Vegas — the guilty pleasure show that they pre-empted for this crap — they disguise the product placement. Here it was just blatant. Oh, and don't get me started on Michael Jackson's special presentation of the post 9/11 "We Are the World 2" video — the one featuring Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Beyonc&#233, 'N Sync, Ricky Martin, Luther Vandross and a slew of other artists who were no doubt duped into participating. What more can you give? Try $100,000 a piece.

Born Rich Speaking of money, money, money. (Money!) I feel sorry for that Johnson & Johnson heir not one bit. Shoot. Truth be told I'm mad at him and his filthy rich friends for even making this damn documentary. Oh, it's so hard to have millions I didn't earn! Kiss my (edited for content)!