I hate to start on a super-shallow note. But... last week Matt LeBlanc's pants were up too high. This week one of his shirts is too small. What has L.A. done to Joey? Also, when Joey dropped the I-pay-the-rent card on Michael, it made me wonder how is he — an out-of-work actor — the sole rent-payer in that place? In New York Chandler paid most of the bills for most of the time. Now, I'm supposed to believe he's stepped up? I mean, I know he's got some residual checks. But they can't be that big or that consistent. I give the writers two more episodes before I start getting mad because they haven't addressed this issue.

The Next Big Loser Promos
A diet contest. My co-worker Delaina (who is also a fitness instructor) is appalled by the premise of this show. I, on the other hand, am intrigued. Yes, it has big fat-bashing potential. But as a BMW (Big Mama Walking, as I like to think of my fabulous self), I've got to watch it at least once to see how they're going to turn the fat-club scenes from Gimme a Break into an entire series.

Will & Grace
Three things:
1. Either I'm buzzed off the four buttery-soft oatmeal cookies I just ate (Great. There's 20 Weight Watchers points down the drain) or this week's W&G episode is leaps and bounds better than last week's. In the first three minutes I've laughed three times. "Jane magazine is the thinking man's Seventeen." Ha! They kill me. But I didn't chuckle at Jack's gay marriage-John Kerry joke. That was a shameless political plug that I agree with entirely but just wasn't funny.
2. So Grace follows a woman carrying what looks like a box of Krispy Kreme donuts into an AA meeting. She goes for the free KK goodies. Then she stays for the free support. Girl, I'm with you. When I went home for the holidays I discovered that Indianapolis now has drive-thru Krispy Kreme restaurants. Me and my skinny-mini friend Quita found ourselves buying a dozen at one of those evil outlets at 1 am on a weeknight. The fact that we didn't have to get our lazy butts out of the car to get the calorie-laden, yummy goodness... that's just wrong. So, Grace, girl I feel you on that addiction. And I would pull a Fight Club move and attend any number of 12-step meetings just to get one.
3. "Big Gay Brother," "The Shamed Family Feud" and "Queer Factor"... I would totally watch those shows. Is that wrong?
4. OK. While I'm entertained by the Grace story line, I do wonder: Are alcoholics offended by this? I mean, Grace starts drinking because of all the booze talk she hears at the group. Plus she's abusing the AA speak and making light of an important program that helps people who have a serious disease. Hmmm. I wonder if I would get upset if they used OA instead of AA. (Whoa. I've said too much.)
5. Quote of the Night: Guest star Molly Shannon's expertly delivered "Accept the things you cannot change, bitch!" I think I'm going to have a T-shirt made with that one.

Survivor: Vanuatu
Speaking of the B word... Man did it get ugly up in the women's camp. I thought Mia and Twila were going to full-on scrap. But, seriously, what was Mia thinking, starting an argument with tough woman Twila while Twila was sharpening a very big knife?! I'm just saying. And when Twila said, "I'll whup that little scrawny bitch's ass 'cause I don't care," I'm not even going to lie. That had me rolling. For real. That comment (which was not included in the captions, by the way. Yes, I checked) had to have been the most ghetto thing anyone has ever said in the history of Survivor. Twila took it there — to the trailer park. And I'm surprised the producers didn't bleep her. I'm also surprised the women later voted Mia out. But that's got more to do with the editing. So I digress.

On a different note — but still related to the crazy women who were off their competitive game this week: Why did the ladies let cute-boy John K. boss them around? He walks into camp, says, "I want everyone who voted for Dolly over here," and they just do it. Nah. It shouldn't have gone down like that. And, if he was as smart as he thinks he is, John K. would not have wasted his immunity pass on Ami. He could have shaken things up even more by giving it to Scout (the weakest player on the women's team) or Eliza (the most annoying). But no. He decided to play it safe. Whatever. I wish the men could have voted him off instead of John P.

The Presidential Debates
Ah, man. The debates are on. Every (click) single (click) channel. Ooooh. Except the WB. And there's One Tree Hill's Chad Michael Murray (aka Lucas Scott) lying on the basketball court looking all cute with his young self. You know I heard he's engaged to his costar Sophia whatshername... Bush? Yes, Bush. Wonder if she's related to... Ah, heck. Rochell, you're a registered voter. So go. Be informed. Watch the debate.

Random Question
Hey, why must the audience be "absolutely silent for the next 90 minutes"? Is that because they fear the different parties could people the crowd and have them cheer or boo on cue? How are they going to keep quiet for that long? I can't shut up now. Shoot. John Kerry better bring it.

Twenty Minutes Later
If President Bush says "wrong war, wrong place, wrong time" one more time... But he does have a point. How does Kerry plan to recruit allies after he has told the world he thinks Bush made a "colossal error in judgment" and that he doesn't believe we're in a just fight?

Five Minutes Later
Watch out, now. That Jim Lehrer's got clout. I do believe the president just called him "sir."

Five Minutes After That
Zzzzzzzz. Cough. Hack. Turn over. Scratch. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

And Still Later
The phone rings. I grab it. Damn. Is the debate over?