Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
OK, you know Ty Pennington already looks silly wearing a teenage boy's clothes and haircut. Now, here he is hopping up and down on a pogo stick with some kids. This is too much. My diagnosis in Ty's case is definitely Peter Pan Syndrome. He's almost weird in a Jacko kinda way.... Click.

Last Comic Standing
Jay Mohr signing off to commercial with "Seacrest out!" is quite amusing. I also enjoyed his handling of the problem with the faulty mic stand — makes you feel like you're at a real tacky comedy club instead of just a TV one, doesn't it? On the downside, Todd Glass may be loud, but he ain't funny. His baby-talking-to-the-traffic-cop routine was a yawner. And his "pretend" groveling for America's vote just wasn't right. (Talk about truth in jest, huh?) Kathleen Madigan continues to be one of my faves, though. Meanwhile, in the eliminations, I'm glad Tess survived over Rob Cantrell. But how bizarre was it when Rob humped her leg after Jay called his name? Tess was a good sport, though, passing him her booze flask for comfort. When Rich Hatch rubbed up against Sue Hawk like that on Survivor: All Stars, she got lawyers involved!

Father of the Pride
Ya think Siegfried and Roy really have a tanning bed in their living room, right next to the TV? Hmmm.... Anything's possible with those two.

Dr. Cox and Jordan were still married because their lawyer accidentally had 'em sign the wrong divorce papers. Please. What is this, Passions? Oftentimes on soap operas, people think they're divorced, only to later learn that the proper papers weren't filed with the court, so they're still married. That's super-goofy. Sorry to be such a legalist, but I've had enough dissolved marriages in my fractured family to know that they mail you the final freakin' divorce decree. Still, I loved how Dr. Cox had hoped "that slag would die a penniless whore." This kind of ugly sentiment is the only realistic thing about their divorce. Anyway, my silly quibbles aside, Scrubs gives me the giggles every time. Like at Dr. and Mrs. Cox's un-wedding ceremony, when Carla told their baby, "You have no chance of being normal." Poor kid. Tee-hee!

I just feel icky after watching this week's episode, which was one of the show's darkest yet. How do I count the ways? The wannabe star who thought she needed to surgically transform into J. Lo was the very picture of low self-esteem. Sad! But not as sad as her quack doctor, Merrill Bobolit. For those Nip/Tuck fans who don't remember him from last season, he's the dorky plastic surgeon who traded his fancy sports car for Christian's girlfriend, Kimber. Later, he lost his license, his money and Miss Kimber — a smart ho who goes where the dough is. (Which is why she's now dating Sean.) But the depths Bobolit sank to were just terrifying! His addiction to laughing gas and that quack medical practice in the back room of a nail salon might've been funny, if you didn't get the chills wondering how many real-life hacks are doing that. And I knew Christian wouldn't really get his face cut off, but that final confrontation with Bobolit was still suspenseful as hell. I have said it before, and I'll say it again: Low self-esteem is the root of all evil. Not loving yourself and focusing too much on what others have is a very bad bag to get into.

Now let's dish the latest on Famke Janssen's twisted life-coach character, Ava. Yuck. You just knew she and her son had a sexual history together! (Um, Adrian has a very Hamlet-esque preoccupation with Mom's sex life, in case you hadn't noticed.) As if this whole episode weren't shocking enough, they've got the mother and son feverishly making out in the final frame! Daaay-yum. Matt needs to get away from these crazy people. Oh, and Matt needs to get a haircut too, while he's at it. There's a little too much of that mulletlike "business in the front, party in the back" happening with his hairdo. But I digress....

The Amazing Race 5
This week's Filipino challenge — "Plow or Fowl" — was fun, if only for the name. I especially enjoyed watching Colin and Christie endure the misery of draggin' that ox (or bull or whatever it was) through the mud. I thought Anger Boy Colin was gonna kill Phil when the host told him they'd come in last — the look on his face was truly scary. Good thing for everyone concerned that this was a non-Philimination leg of the race. I was a little disappointed that the pesky couple survived, but thrilled that Chip and Kim dared to use the Yield on them — and made first place! Those two are so cute and such good sports. They had better win!