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Dinner for Five It's dinner. Really nice chow. Yet the guests (tonight's A-list diners include Katie Holmes and Sean Hayes) never talk about the food. That worries me. Yes, Dear Greg and Jimmy turn Speed Dating sessions into a competition to see who could, possibly, maybe, if they weren't both very married, get the most "yes" votes from single women. Married men using singles functions for ego-boosting sport. Riiiight. Now even lame CBS shows are making fun of the reality that is my life. Thanks. Eve Now we know what J. Lo's ex Cris Judd is doing — moonlighting as a salsa teacher on Eve. Girlfriends Brock offered to drop his highest profile client for Joan. (Oh... That's so sweet.) Ellis took only one night to get over Joan. Damn. That's ridiculously unbelievable. And terribly convenient. I mean, the woman just told him she's
Dinner for Five
It's dinner. Really nice chow. Yet the guests (tonight's A-list diners
include Katie Holmes and Sean Hayes) never talk about the food.
That worries me.
Yes, Dear
Greg and Jimmy turn Speed Dating sessions into a competition to
see who could, possibly, maybe, if they weren't both very married, get the
most "yes" votes from single women. Married men using singles functions for
ego-boosting sport. Riiiight. Now even lame CBS shows are making fun of the
reality that is my life. Thanks.
Eve
Now we know what J. Lo's ex Cris Judd is doing — moonlighting as a salsa
teacher on Eve.
Girlfriends
Brock offered to drop his highest profile client for Joan. (Oh... That's so sweet.) Ellis took only one
night to get over Joan. Damn. That's ridiculously unbelievable. And terribly
convenient. I mean, the woman just told him she's in love with the business
equivalent of his best friend and he basically says, "OK"? No. That doesn't work
for me. I need for Ellis to be wounded and to get just a little ghetto. Hold a
grudge. Put sugar in Joan's tank. Sue her. Something!
Two and a Half Men
Duckie!!!!!! And, yes, I cheer when Jon Cryer's name pops up on-screen... But
then I see the man he's become — all anal, and conservative, the type of whipped
manservant who says, "The peanut butter stains on Jake's shirt really require an
enzyme pre-soak" — and I cry. Poor Duckie. Andie left you a broken man.
Las Vegas
I knew from the moment Danny saw Nessa meeting with the card marker that she
was working some kind of sting operation. Yet I watched anyway. Why?
Because — and, Lord help me 'cause I'm really this shallow — Josh Duhamel is hot. The Montecito Casino security team could find a sinner in a busload of saints.
And I've got a problem, people. If my friends really loved me, they'd do an
'80s-style just-say-no-to-TV intervention.
CSI: Miami
Mommy, Horatio's scaring me again! Honestly. That opening scene where
David Caruso peeks into the dryer and says, "Molly, do you know where your
sister is?"... I got chills. And not the good kind. IknowIknowIknow. Every
week I complain about how Horatio "I'm the Fiber King" Caine creeps me out.
Yet every week I keep coming back. I can't help it. It's a sickness.
And I blame the show, man. For real. I mean, how could I not watch?
Last night's episode had 15 registered sex offenders in a 10 block radius. Crazy
tennis parents. A rich kidnapped girl. A poor missing girl. A random severed
arm. Oh, and 3,000 low-jacked crocodiles summering near a nuclear power plant.
They had to call in Jeff Corwin for that one. And the only downside was
that they brought in Jeff as sexy Eric Delko's fraternity brother. (Right.
What was that pledge class like?)
And I know I might burn for this, but... why are TV perverts such great
photographers? The pictures CSI: Miami's skeevey perp (a word I love to work into
casual conversation) took of the neighborboy were really good. The kid was
frolicking in the sprinklers. He captured the happy moment. I know that's wrong to
say. But he did.