Desperate Housewives
How much do we love, love, love Felicia Tilman (Harriet Sansom Harris)? Her long-awaited showdown with Paul "the murderer" Young was the highlight of the night. "I am not my sister, Paul — you do not want to screw with me." No, you certainly don't. And with that, she sweetly yet firmly told him exactly how it was going to be. She would take care of Zach, and he would get the hell out of town. Knowing his fate was sealed, Paul asked to see his tranquilized "son" one last time. Uh-uh. "Did you allow me to say goodbye to Martha?" asked Felicia, with venom in her voice (and a knife hidden out of sight). Yeah, buddy, get outta there.

Not wanting to say farewell was Susan, who, thanks to Kendra, found out that while love-of-her-life Mike is indeed a former drug user and (accidental) killer, he's still a good guy. She, on the other hand, is not the best parent. Making your teen daughter read a private investigator's file that could contain all sorts of unpleasantness will most likely exclude you from winning any Mother of the Year awards. But the liar of the year has got be Carlos. I swear, for like half a second, I almost believed him when he told Gabrielle that his dearly departed mother must have been the culprit who tampered with the birth-control pills. Unless creator Marc Cherry introduces a zombie story line, it seems that this little secret is safe — for now.

Wrapping up, everyone else got a little somethin' during this episode: Susan's mother: a big, sparkling rock Bree: a wake-up call from Edie Britt, of all people Lynette: an early Halloween costume John: salsa in the face

DH's production crew: kudos for the Photoshop work they did on those "old" wedding photos of our respective couples. — Danny Spiegel

"When given to utterances of that type, consider drinking," is the bit of wisdom Al tells Merrick before we continue with the tragedy that ended last week's episode. Good advice, too — for anyone, really, whatever it is they may have said.

Poor William, and poor Tom Nuttall, too. In a town where you can't show your humanity for a second, Tom let his guard down enough to try and give a kid some fun, but wound up having to shoulder the blame for a tragedy (in his own head, if in nobody else's). As for the General and Hostetler, I can't blame them for running. You know when the anger has to fall somewhere, it's bound to fall on them for losing control of that horse. And speaking of suffering, watching Con deal with the pain of his rupture must have had every guy in the audience sitting just a little less straight.

Anyway, it's really a tribute to the Deadwood writing and directing team that they can strike such a fine balance between the conniving of Al, Adams, Tolliver, the commissioner and that crew, and the Bullocks as they watch their little boy suffer and finally pass away. Never mind the interesting surprise of seeing Andy Cramed, last seen barely making it through a bout of smallpox, return to offer his services... as a minister.

And before you write to the Televisionary, I'll do you all the favor of telling you that gorgeous song playing over the credits was Jane Siberry's "Calling All Angels." You'll find it on her 1993 release When I Was a Boy (Reprise). Not that that should stop you from stopping by to give his column a look, mind you. — Michael Peck

I was initially skeptical about a skinny Irish boy playing such an American icon. I know that Jonathan Rhys Myers was great as a glam rocker in Velvet Goldmine, but there is a long way between that and the King. Actually turns out that they both wore mascara and flashy costumes, so maybe it's not such a big leap. Anyway, he's great. And looks the part, most especially when he's got his shaggy hair hanging in his face. If Elvis the Pelvis is still gyrating around down here on Earth, I think that he'd be impressed by Rhys Myers' performance. It's so excellent that they got permission to use Elvis' original recordings; it really made the whole thing so much more authentic, because while I am sure that Rhys Myers can carry a tune, belting it out with that distinctive drawl is a whole 'nother thing. I just wish they'd picked up the pace a little bit. Four hours is a bit much for someone like me, who is interested in Elvis, but not making an annual pilgrimage to Graceland. And for those obsessed with the King, details about how the Colonel made him turn down a part in The Rainmaker, or that he had um, relations with more than one girl at a time, or that Gladys liked to drink while feeding the chickens, probably don't come as much of a surprise. And my other problem with the miniseries is that they put the next installment on Wednesday, my already-overloaded TV-watching night. Thank goodness for TiVo; otherwise I don't know if I'd be able to see his post-Army comeback. — Angel Cohn

Grey's Anatomy
Two weeks ago I was out having sushi with friends and sitting at the next table was an actress that I recognized but couldn't place her name. She started talking and I immediately remembered her from Once & Again. But then I remembered her as the girl with the distinctively nasal voice from the '80s flashback episode of Will & Grace (she was the one they told their stories to at the bar). That girl was Ever Carradine, who ironically showed up tonight as the girlfriend of the guy who swallowed the keys. She still has that distinctively nasal voice. And not distinctive in a good way.

Meanwhile, I was glad Meredith's roomies finally found out she's sleeping with Dr. Shepherd. T.R. Knight does such a great job giving us "jealous face" as George and it was so awesome when that alcoholic anesthesiologist (say that 10 times fast) fell asleep. I was like "Yeah, George!" Have I mentioned he's my favorite character? Runner-up is Meredith, who uttered tonight's best line to Izzie: "I hate you and your cake!" It also was hilarious at the end when Meredith said "Oh, thank god!" when Shepherd wanted sleep instead of sex.

Since I always like to point out the obscure guest stars, let's talk about Kim Morgan Greene as the mother of the girl who got gastric-bypass surgery just to lose the "Freshman 15" to please her mama. Prime-time soap fans will remember Kim as Channing Carter Colby from The Colbys. Like I said: obscure. — Dave Anderson


Saturday Night Live
As part of my effort to reach out to you, the TV viewer, yours truly reviewed Saturday's Johnny Knoxville-hosted show with guest critics Rick and Vicki Nunan of West Chester, Pa. Note: I am the only guest in America compelled to take their hosts' dog for walkies by the actual dog (Abbie, who dragged me outside three times in 90 minutes).

Cameo alert: Paula Abdul introduced an opening sketch sending up the Corey Clark imbroglio: "All the facts have been changed to get laughs at my expense." We concluded it ran long despite Maya Rudolph's terrific impressions of Mario Vasquez and Justin Guarini.

Monologue: Knoxville was kneed in the groin by 87-year-old Don Pardo, a bit that Rick felt illustrated the subtlety of SNL writing.

Recycled bit: The ad for wide-hipped Mom Jeans ("I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a mom") curiously coincided with the news of Tina Fey's pregnancy.

Best sketches: Weekend Update, especially Fey's remark about California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's decline in popularity ("Suddenly everyone realized they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger") and Rudolph's Donatella Versace celebrating Mother's Day.

Worst sketches: Will Forte's Andy ("Oh, nooooo!") and Chris Parnell's Merv the Perv each received an "H" — "F" seemed too elevated a grade. "SNL doesn't assume you have a brain," insisted Vicki.

Le Morte d'Herb: The passing of original Update writer Herb Sargent received a sadly perfunctory mention from Fey.

To summarize: Vicki hoped that System of a Down's Serj Tankian will get a haircut; Rick thought Rudolph needed a brace ("She's carrying the show!"); I suspected that a Merv the Perv movie was imminent (the thought of it caused Rick to emit wounded-animal noises). — G. J. Donnelly

Channel Surfing
Sometimes Trading Space's designer Doug Wilson's new show, Moving Up, is brilliant, giving people a chance to go back to their old houses and pick apart what the new owners have done to them. It gives in to that whole snooping gene that makes it impossible not to peek in other people's medicine cabinets or uncurtained windows... wait, too stalker-y? But while Doug is doing a wonderful job flying solo, his original ego-boosting series is flailing around. Bring back Paige Davis! Without the perky host, it's just another home-design show, and god knows there are enough of those around already.

FRIDAYNumbers OK, time for an odd personal revelation. I have always had the biggest soft spot for Ethan Embry (Can't Hardly Wait, Vegas Vacation, Empire Records). I know it's a little off the beaten path as far as celeb crushes go, but there's something about this sweet little skater boy that I just adore. So imagine my delight when I discovered that Mr. Embry was guest-starring on my new TV addiction this week, and getting a chance to show off his emotional range. Speaking of skater boys, doesn't squish-squashing sound like a term one of those X-Games boarders would toss around? It's actually some high-tech math term that discerns hard-to-hear numbers, like a slow clap in a large crowd. Look, Mom, I can learn something from TV!

So glad that Teresa from The O.C. has a job where she actually looks the age she is supposed to be playing. And she gets to be smart at math and she doesn't look knocked up at all. Especially when she's totally hitting on the sweetly adorkable Charlie. Did anyone else have a Brady Bunch moment when that aircraft first came soaring through the sky? — AC

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