Tricia Helfer and James Callis, <EM>Battlestar Galactica</EM> Tricia Helfer and James Callis, Battlestar Galactica
Dancing with the Stars I have to thank the show's producers not only for making this results show short and sweet, but also for adding a bit of old-fashioned variety show to break up the contrived suspense. There was something for everyone: real ballroom dancing by the pros, for the people who actually tuned in to see that; humor, more from Kenny Mayne than from

Tom and Samantha; a special musical appearance by Burt Bacharach, who's promoting a new album, so he doesn't mind being accompanied by the show's wedding band; and, of course, all that skin, for the guys forced to watch this against their will. If they really want to make me happy, however, they'll give us more commentary from the overexcited Roberto Benigni impersonator, Bruno Tonioli. We need more "Jippity Cricket" metaphors, pronto. As for the actual results, they were rather predictable. The world is strangely compelled to put Master P through more misery, and Kenny's forgiving fanbase doesn't extend much beyond his artistic daughter. Sad to see such a good sport go. By the way, what's with all the type A, competitive talk from the other contestants? Are they really there just to win? I guess that's the spirit that made them "stars."