Shauna wants to quit this childish reality series because it has nothing to do with fashion design. Welcome to the freakin' club, Shauna. Even though I think she may have a screw loose, she's got a point. And James is the only one who can sew! Can you see me rolling my eyes? Honestly tonight's episode was more Pimp My Ride than Project Runway, had more product placements than The Apprentice and even recycled a celeb — Fabolous — who was already on The Donald's show last season. I thought Tommy Hilfiger was supposed to be such an innovator. So far the only original idea he has is changing the teams every week. Whoop-dee-doo. However, I am glad that Princess got to stick around. I'm learning hip new phrases like "giving so much fever" instead of being hot; this brown-eyed girl even refers to her eyeballs as "cocoas." I didn't learn anything from Vlada except how to spell her name. Tommy was shaking in his oblivious little tuxedoed body, and I think Mr. Hilfiger decided to keep the socially inept but well-dressed guy because he liked his name. And while Little Tommy clearly could step into Carson Kressley's Italian leather shoes with his off-the-wall antics, the Freaky Contestant of the Week award still goes to Jeff. The wannabe believes that God put him on this reality show. Well, Jeff, I've got a hunch that the Lord giveth and Tommy Hilfiger will taketh away, very soon. — Angel Cohn
Hit Me Baby One More Time
I feel bad for Howard Jones. Not only was he cheated out of winning, he also had to perform on the Night of the Crazies. I should have been prepared for the worst night yet of Hit Me Baby as soon as Wang Chung announced they'd be performing Nelly's "Hot in Herre." I love Nelly. My mom's favorite song is "Hot in Herre." When she calls me, my cell rings that song. That's why Wang Chung's version of "Hot in Herre" was basically sacrilege to me. No fortysomething British white man should ever attempt to rap. But shockingly, when compared to Sophie B. Hawkins (who I'm pretty sure was on something), Cameo (who sported a red jockstrap) and Irene Cara (who did some bizarre form of dancing), Wang Chung wasn't even that bad. I mean, they were bad — they just weren't that bad. And through it all, Howard Jones proved to be the best performer. Sure, prior to tonight I thought Simply Red sang his song "No One Is to Blame," but that doesn't matter. Even with the cheesy smoke machines working overtime, he gave a decent rendition of Dido's "White Flag."
We're three weeks into this show, and I just don't get the point anymore. The first week was cool because it had the whole nostalgia factor working for it, but that only lasts so long. Now I'm into the "Who cares?" mode. Sure, I love Fame and Flashdance, but Irene was off-key. And what's up with her plugging her new band in Anastacia's "I'm Outta Love"? She brought two new group members on stage. Isn't that cheating? What if Wang Chung had suddenly added two decent rappers to the band for "Hot in Herre"? Would that have been allowed?
Still, as I watched this show two more questions came to mind. First, how on earth does Vernon Kaye keep a straight face? He should at least have cracked a smile when Irene said how excited she was about being tonight's audience favorite. The woman won an Oscar, yet she's freaking out about this silly honor? Vern, despite his overly bleached teeth, deserves some commendation for never breaking a smile. Second, why are so many of the performers British? They already did this show in England — did these guys just not make the cut over there, or are they doing the show in both countries? And finally, when the heck is the final episode of this show? I'm really not sure how much more I can handle. — Ali Gazan
My secret TV addiction is ESPN Classic's Cheap Seats, which is a Mystery Science Theater 3000-style take on the weird world of sports. Those crazy Sklar twins never fail to make astute observations about the oddest things, like for this week's topic, the 2000 Outdoor Games, they quickly note that certain riflemen have excess cheek fat on their faces, and then they fast-forward through the boring stuff. Now that's the way I like to watch sports... My husband gets credit for pointing out the remarkable physical similarities between Johnny on Strip Search and Blow Out's self-absorbed Jonathan Antin. Scary, but Johnny and his magic never-moving hair could benefit from a spa day at the West Hollywood salon and a really good eyebrow wax... On Late Show with David Letterman, the comedian got in his first zinger about Bill Clinton before the ex-president even stepped on the stage by showing off the boxed set of Clinton's tome in the form of 55 individual paperbacks. Cute. Too bad the rest of the interview sounded more like two guys sharing war-wound stories and gossiping about their friends. But Clinton deserves credit for trying to bring in the fun with his embarrassing story about little Chelsea and George H.W., and also his crack about recuperation being a nice vacation. Nice to know that someone remembered that this late-night show should be a little bit on the light side. — AC
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