Everyone who clicked on that hot Joan Rivers photo specifically to read about Nip/Tuck's blowout second-season finale, scroll down!

Vice Presidential Debate
Note to my loyal readers who've been haranguing, er, encouraging me to watch Veronica Mars: Because the Veep face-off was scheduled for 9 pm/ET tonight, UPN feared their girl detective would be clobbered in the ratings. So they opted to air a rerun this week instead of an original episode. Smart move. I promise to check out Ms. Mars later on, kids.

Now as for the feisty matchup betwixt Dick Cheney and John Edwards: They basically called each other liars and crooks for 90 minutes, which was vaguely entertaining. But in all the silly post-debate analysis, every anchorman from Rather to Brokaw made annoying boxing metaphors about it — the second bananas were "sparring" like George Foreman, Muhammad Ali and other random pugilists, depending whom you were watching. And when the newsies weren't wasting our time with nonsensical commentary, they were publishing the results of specious polls on "who won" the debate. Most offensive of all was George Will's comb-over haircut on ABC News. Is this pundit getting his hair done by Donald Trump's barber or what?

Gilmore Girls
1. How much do we love that Emily's maid is named Madonna Louise? And that the lady of the house says "Madonna Louise" as many times as she possibly can?
2. Can't believe we finally got to see the scene where Lorelai and Luke wake up in bed together! They are soooo cute.
3. Rory keeps running into all these interchangeable, smart-mouthed pretty boys outside her dorm room at Yale. That's a mighty busy passageway. When's she gonna freakin' date one of 'em already?

Quote of the Night
"No, Rory, this great man was not brought down by my vagina." — Paris, reassuring us all that her much-older professor boyfriend died with dignity, not between the sheets.

One Tree Hill
What a fake-out. You knew Nathan wasn't gonna cheat on Haley. But they had to set it up so it looked like she'd arrive home and find them in a compromising sitch in the boudoir. Please! And can somebody tell me how the stripper left the house unnoticed? (The sec Stripperella walked into Nathan's bedroom, Hales was arriving home.) Oh, and Dastardly Dan's quote to his son — "I can't change our past, Lucas, but I hope I can change our future" — made me wanna barf. Click.

OK, this second-season finale was too damn funny and freaky. TV Guide Channel's own Joan Rivers sits in Sean and Christian's office — playing herself, natch — and requests that all of her plastic surgery be undone so she can look like a normal grandmother. And land herself on all the supermarket tabloid covers in the bargain, 'cause hey, a gal can always use the publicity, right?

Fortunately for her, Joan doesn't really have buyer's remorse about her facework, but the funnylady's cameo made for some very clever, cute (and necessary) comic relief. Weren't you stressed out with The Carver running around in that Mardi Gras mask? That final, spine-chilling scene where he surprised Christian in bed (alone, for once!) and stuck him with that syringe was just awful. The teardrop flowing down Christian's paralyzed face (just before The Carver swung his blade) was a nice, creepy touch.

One quibble, though: Just a few episodes ago, Christian was in the same position! Remember when that crazy Dr. Bobolit strapped him to the table and tried to mutilate his face? Now here he is again — immobilized on his back with some crackpot eager to slice up his handsome mug. Weird, huh? Insert your own déjà vu joke here.

By the way, when I first heard that Joan Rivers was guest-starring, I had a wild thought that it'd be such fun if she were unmasked as The Carver. Just imagine it: Her much-discussed fascination with cosmetic surgery goes horribly awry, so she goes on a deranged crime spree, terrorizing young models all over L.A. Perhaps that's a bit too over the top, even for this show...

But what am I talking about? They made Famke Janssen (Ava Moore) a man — who was once married to Alec Baldwin! And she sensibly responds to her "son" Adrian's tragic suicide by dressing up like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's and flying off to Paris sans Matt. I liked that poignant airport moment where she "passed" for female at the security check (a reference to what the transsexual group-therapy leader said earlier in the episode). In a word: Fabulous. I had despised Ava, and they managed to make me completely sympathetic to her in the end. I hope she'll be back for more dirty, off-kilter fun someday!