The Apprentice So The Donald chose

Bill over Kwame, an absolute no-brainer after watching Bill coordinate a golf outing with relatively few snafus while Kwame's team self-destructed before his eyes. To be fair, it seemed to me that both Bill and Kwame's minions were out to sabotage their leaders. Bill's crabby crew inexplicably threw out an important sponsor's poster, while Omarosa singlehandedly sank Kwame's ship by acting like a "space cadet" throughout their task of organizing a Jessica Simpson concert in Atlantic City. Trump put Bill in charge of the construction of his future towers in Chicago — where Trump told his new prot&#233g&#233 that he'd have a lot of supervision. And it hit me: This wasn't the ultimate job interview. It was the ultimate Trump infomercial. For the past 13 weeks, we have watched these young hopefuls vie for a job under Trump while staying in Trump Towers, visiting Trump casinos and resorts and golf courses, renting out Trump penthouses, flying in Trump helicopters and jets, even drinking Trump water. And when The Donald offered Bill his choice of jobs, he was presented with two options: managing an opulent new California golf course situated on the cliffs bordering the Pacific Ocean or overseeing the construction of a luxury highrise in his home town. By offering Bill these options on national TV, he saved millions of dollars on advertising. Two hundred and fifty thousand bucks and a convertible is a small price to pay to get your properties seen by millions of reality-TV-addicted Americans, most of whom didn't really care which of these two amiable and capable guys won. They just wanted to see what that wacky Omarosa was going to do next. American Idol Thanks to Dubya's Tuesday-night press conference, which threw Fox into a rescheduling tizzy, I finally got to check out American Idol. That's right, kids, I've never watched it before, and after tonight's torturous results show, I can safely say that I'll never willingly do it again. It wasn't that the AI wannabes were awful — I really have no clue how good or bad they are, nor do I actually care — it's that the results-show installments are mean. They have the finalists up there onstage sweating it out while that doofus Ryan Seacrest — who used to host NBC's Saturday night movies and pose incredibly lame trivia questions during commercial breaks — delivers America's assessment of each hopeful's talents one-by-one, singling out the bottom three. Then the final trio is separated from the herd and forced to grin and bear it through various other insults like a performance by former AI contestant Christina Christian, who's going to debut in Europe before launching in the U.S. (You know, like 'N Sync. And David Hasselhoff — he's huge in Germany.) And cheesy group commercials that make them sound like a high-school show choir until the half hour's final minutes, when the ouster is announced and then he or she graciously accepts defeat and then performs the very song that did him or her in again. My heart went out to poor little JPL, who did a commendable job of belting out "Jailhouse Rock" despite his palpable disappointment and probable humiliation. Anyone who can come out of that situation smiling is a King in my book. Tru Calling Oh, look there's AI alumna Tamayra Gray — in Christina Christian's lace-up bustier from a few minutes ago? — playing Tru's latest victim du jour. At least her acting career's still on-track, first appearing on Fox's Boston Public before playing an actress with a secret past who starts out dead but may not actually end up that way if Tru can save her tonight. Unlike Ryan Starr, who popped up dead on CBS's CSI and stayed dead. Note to other AI wannabe thesps: Stick with Fox shows. At least you'll have some lines. Survivor: All-Stars I call this a Very Special Episode because everyone, even Boston Rob, cried tonight at the prospect of hearing from loved ones back at home. (How cute are Shii Ann and Alicia's parents?) Rob won the particularly grueling immunity-reward combo challenge, which granted him a special prize: a personal video from his apparently equally odd brother. But Rob, possibly feeling a teensy bit guilty about ejecting Lex — who's obviously gone for the Taxi Driver-meets-Manson look with that new scary mohawk — last week, turned down his tape so that everyone could get their letters from home. Not only was it an uexpectedly generous move, it was also a strategic stroke of genius even Richard would have to admire. Even more admirable: That Rob not only used the word inevitable, he also used it and pronounced it correctly! Howard Stern Just when I thought that Ereka, Katrina and Kristi couldn't sink any lower than posing in their bras and panties for FHM, they scrape the bottom of the barrel and chat with the shock jock about their experiences on The Apprentice — and Kristi's breast implants. Carolyn would be so proud. Quote of the night "My daughter's a Fascist!" — an unusually subdued but still nuttier-than-a-fruitcake Courtney Love on the Tonight Show, describing her daughter's conservative demeanor to host Jay Leno.