The Apprentice
Not long ago, the Onion ran a hilarious piece titled "F--- Everything, We're Doing Five Blades," mocking the inanity of razor marketing. Well, meet the Gillette Fusion "shaving system" featuring

wait for it five blades. Is there an expression for when real life can't keep up with satire? The 17 remaining Donald wannabes (Donnabes?) are tasked with creating a text-message marketing campaign for the Fusion. But first, Trump takes a quick break from product placement to engage in corporate America's other favorite pastime: nepotism. Donald's daughter, Ivanka, will be playing the role of Carolyn in tonight's episode, while old-school Apprentice Bill Rancic fills in for George.

Team Synergy runs into trouble early with a Stacy-Brent battle royale. Now there's a surprise: a pair of lawyers getting into a scrape. However, as an attorney, Stacy should be careful about using the word "threatening." Brent's a buffoon, but not a menace. Project manager Pepi lets the bathrobe fiasco (Michael wears the Bad Idea jeans for that one) get way out of control, and the team doesn't get to Times Square until noon. Surprisingly, Brent hopping around like an idiot isn't enough to carry the day.

Over at Gold Rush, Lenny starts a Russian Revolution by ignoring PM Lee and running his own guerrilla marketing campaign. The razor-blade Rasputin is, however, right on the money: This task is "more simple than the whole earth." Anyone who's ever been to Times Square knows the TKTS kiosk is a people magnet. The win was in the bank when the team left the suite by 5:30 am. Their prize: helping three unemployed guys pick suits. A nice gesture, but that's like winning an all-expenses-paid vacation from Habitat for Humanity.   

The Donald's disgust with Synergy is evident in the boardroom. I'm not surprised two candidates wound up sharing the cab of shame. Stacy was obnoxious and Pepi was dead weight. Brent has an Omarosa-size target on his back but survives because the Donald (along with Mark Burnett) knows a good (read: ridiculous) reality-TV contestant when he sees one. Jon McDaid

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