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Apple Doesn't Want Sex, Violence, Cursing and Other Good Stuff in Its Programming

It's being called an "Expensive NBC" internally, ouch

MaryAnn Sleasman

OK, fine, violence, gore, and boobies do not a high-quality television series make... but they help, don't they? At the very least, there's an expectation that if one is paying for exclusive, premium content, that content is not like anything offered anywhere else. Sex and blood are among the things that separate the HBOs and the Netflixes from the NBCs of the world (in addition to, you know, talent and stuff).

According to some Apple employees, however, Apple's long-awaited streaming service is shaping up to be as non-offensive and un-edgy as possible -- which has some employees calling Apple's upcoming service an "expensive NBC," according to The Wall Street Journal. OUCH.

The Journal says that Apple is mandating that its content not have gratuitous sex, violence, or cursing, in an effort to preserve its corporate image. The thinking is that if the content offends viewers, they could retaliate by not buying Apple's products. The content restrictions have already caused delays in programming such as Vital Signs, a bio-series based on Dr. Dre, whose life as a gangster rapper probably had plenty of everything that Apple doesn't want. Apple recently won an Emmy for Carpool Karaoke: The Series, which fits its keep-it-clean bill.

Here's a rundown of projects Apple has purchased and allegedly ruined with hilariously puritianical demands:

-- Stephen Spielberg's Amazing Stories... which was deemed "too dark."

-- An M. Night Shyamalan psychological thriller... in which crucifixes in the background were deemed "too controversial."

-- Vital Signs, based on the life of Dr. Dre... reportedly horrified Apple CEO Tim Cook with orgies, drug use, and "drawn guns." Bro.

-- A drama about a morning news show starring Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon... which was shamed back to development Hell after concerns that it wasn't "upbeat" enough.

Forgive me if I'm not exactly in a hurry to whip out my credit card, Apple.