After The Surreal Life made me OD on Janice Dickinson, I didn't realize how much I was actually missing her until tonight's photo shoot. She was most definitely buzzing from something stronger than Lisa's poison as she sat on girls' laps and leaned very heavily on people and furniture. You'd think having her as the photographer was just a stunt, but this plastic surgery-themed shoot resulted in some of the best pics of the season. It also helped that Janice knows how to direct models a bajillion times better than Mr. Jay's "I want edgy" broken record. Gotta love that a woman sporting an awful fake tan and every cosmetic procedure invented to date could poke fun at the industry, too. (Though I don't think she saw the irony in her warning the girls to be nice to each other.) Everyone except Kim looked good. Poor Diane was in such pain with her boobs strapped down, but she managed to get a good photograph before her last farewell. I hope Bobo helps her regain that spark. Sabrina Rojas Weiss
That needle dropping onto a record sent a familiar chill down my spine that said, "This is going to be good." That was instantly confirmed with the freaky sight of Jin speaking perfect English next to a beeping man in a chicken suit and Hurley replying in Korean. Oh, and there was a photo of Walt "Missing" on the Dharma milk carton. "Have a cluckity-cluck-cluck day!" In just 30 seconds they've made up for Locke's weepy flashback last week. We didn't learn that much more about Hurley's numbers, but this was a character study of his premillionaire life. His mother thought that Jesus could bring him a new car; his boss was a jerk; his friend, Johnny (Road Trip's DJ Qualls), would stick by his every decision; and the cute girl at the record store wanted to go on a date with him. Somehow the $156 million jackpot destroyed both good and bad in his life, and it all began with the hurt look on Johnny's face as he realized who the lotto winner was. Back on the island, it was so nice to have a few voices of reason. Rose was there to calm Hurley down. (So that's where the extra dynamite went. Will someone please destroy it already? Every time it disappears, I get nervous.) Charlie echoed Arzt's complaints about the island elite they're not "the Man," Charlie, they're just extremely sleep-deprived. And when Claire found the message bottle from the raft, she (gasp!) told someone about it instead of keeping it a deep, dark secret. So glad someone actually thought to use the shower in the bunker, and Jack's attempt at nonchalance when he walked in on squeaky-clean Kate was priceless. I hope those crazy "tailies" get a little of that shampoo action eventually. That's an unsubtle segue to story B, where Sawyer had me feeling his pain (isn't that the same arm Sayid cut last year?). The Dharma Institute was kind enough to supply these savage survivors (who started at magic number 23) with real shelter. Now we have to wonder if that's connected to the bunker or if it's another branch of the big experiment. And are the tailies dying from the same disease that killed Danielle's crew? Or have they eaten each other? Ana-Lucia and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje's unnamed character look pretty well-fed and healthy. Bernard and Libby, on the other hand, could use an Apollo bar or two.
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Since Angel is off atoning for god knows what (the woman is a saint!), this former altar boy of the year 1983 gets to indulge in his newest vice. That's right. Thanks to the new Season 1 DVD set, I am all about the Neptune. And superthankful to the writers for the Duncan-Logan brawl. Not that violence is good, kids. It's just that I was wondering when the ex-BFFs would finally deal with the whole "Your dad killed my sister" sitch. Of course we figured Logan would be over his childhood homie stealing Veronica back, since he's knocking boots with Cassidy and Beaver's stepmom, but who knew Kendall's li'l fling would lead to blondie exposing Big Dick's real-estate scam, huh? I guess we won't be seeing Big Dick for a while, now that he's fled town in a haze of SEC suspicion. Which is fine, since I'm pretty sure we're going to have our hands full with whatever Coco from Fame is hiding from Keith about the cop trailing her, Wallace's awful new gal pal and the increasingly ominous link between that dead stuntman with Miss Mars' name scrawled on his hand, Aaron Echolls' first movie and the bus crash. And that is enough for me. Though if someone wants to throw in a little bit more Charisma Carpenter, you won't hear me complaining.
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