America's Next Top Model
8:06 Awww yeah. It's the big finale and I'm torn, ya hear. Amanda is so translucently cool. But Yaya, well, come on. And Eva had me at "Ann is whack." And hello. Button. Cute as! This is gonna suck.
8:10 Cover Girl photo shoot! Wow, Amanda looks amazing. So does Eva. That smile! And holla, Yaya. Dag. No skin problems there. Can we have three winners?
8:19 Janice Dickinson just made my roommate scream. Is that lipstick, or the blood of her latest victim staining those bloated worms that used to be her lips?
8:30 My heart is a little broken right now. Amanda just got the boot. Give me a sec.
8:35 Better now. Thanks. And now it's one-on-ones with Tyra. Cue the tears! Scratch that. Cue the Chicken Soup for the Slinky Soul. Weeping over her troubled past, Eva utters the line of the night. "There's no testimony without a test." I am so into that, honey. Amen.
8:44 Fashion show challenge! The final two hit the runway for a... hold IT! What is J. Alexander doing in that kimono? This is Tokyo, you RuPaul rip-off. Have some respect! Ooohh. Look at Yaya's eyelashes.
8:50 Final judgment time. Somebody hold my hand. Tyra launches into her whole "Before me stand two amazing women" speech, lovin' on both my girls. Yaya's resplendent in black-and-white perfection. Eva's finally working high-glam. I'm a mess. My roomie's still covering her eyes from Janice. This is too much!
8:50 Go Eva! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. That's right, shortie! And don't you cry, Yaya, you steaming plate of gorgeous. Some agency's gonna be hitting your T-Mobile Sidekick II for a booking in no time. Hell, I might even call you. Just for fun, you know?
Repeats usually bum me out, but there is something so great about watching the pilot of this ridiculously addictive series again. Know why? No pressure. I'm so afraid to even blink during first-run episodes, because I might miss a clue. Or in my editor Tracy's case, anything involving Sawyer. Well, that heat is off, since we've already seen this one. So we're free to just sit back and enjoy how much of a hero Jack really is, running around that wreckage. Or how Evangeline Lilly is the hottest survivor this side of Colby Donaldson. It's quite refreshing, really. In a carnage-and-catastrophe sort of way. Is that weird?
The Gap ad
OK, so my roomie has obviously bounced back from her JDT (Janice Dickinson Trauma), 'cause this Josh Duhamel spot has her all heaving. "It. Doesn't. Get. Better. Than. That." Word.
The West Wing
So, for weeks, people have been e-mailing me to watch this show. And I was kicking and screaming coming into it tonight. It's just so... old. And really, an asteroid? Do they want us to point and laugh? Turns out it was more small-potatoes than Deep Impact and thank God. This way, we were left to realize that the writers are totally setting us up for an administration change. Donna's quit. Bartlet's MS has him stuck in a wheelchair and crying to Abby that he can't do his job. Leo is showing signs of shaky loyalties. Even Josh is sucking up to Santos. Would it be too much to ask them to hold on to Kristin Chenoweth as the new press secretary? That little thing is cute times a bazillion. Plus, if they ever do a musical episode, girlfriend's got pipes that could blow the Oval Office into a rhombus, you know?
Big Man on Campus
It's "The Bachelor Goes to College!" And meets a bunch of whores. Seriously, this can't be good for higher education. Or mankind. Fifteen frisky coeds from the University of Central Florida hunt down the perfect specimen and come up with 12 dudes straight out of an Abercrombie porn catalog. None of them has body hair, only one is black and they all deserve what they get at the grabby hands of these highlighted harpies. Who I hope are orphans so their parents can't be shamed by all the daughters-gone-wild camera-hogging. Michaela, the freshman with the trucker mouth? Needs to go. Now. Same with "party girl" Natalie. Yeah, yammer on and on about how much fun you are until blond Billy tosses you into the pool. Child, if it took you 90 minutes to get that look, you might wanna reset your alarm, OK? As for me, I'ma set my VCR. Because now that the "ladies" have chosen Jake Gyllenhaal doppelganger Matt as their house pounce toy, you just know these sisters are gonna be doing it for themselves. Ahh, catfight nirvana. Bring it, beeyatches!!
In the Cut
Oh my GOD! What is Mark Ruffalo doing to Meg Ryan? Aggghh! Somebody get Harry. Sally's being dirty!! Are they doing...? My eyes! My eyes!
I need to say that Tim Gunn, the guy from Parsons School of Design, is my new best friend. Not only would he never do that to Meg Ryan, he also throws the greatest look of bemused horror at these weekly crimes of fashion. Especially Robert's holiday party dress. Then again, you'd have to be headless not to know that sequins, leopard print and ice-blue satin go together as well as reality TV and integrity. But Wendy's little black frock with the mini cape? Can totally see that selling. In fact, we will, since Miss Den Mommy won the challenge, which puts her design on the racks at your local Banana Republic. You might even get to see the ousted Starr there, too. Stocking the racks, but still.