American Inventor
Here's an invention: some little twisted paper firework that snaps when you throw it, used to emphasize speech, especially after dissing somebody. Imagine it: Doug Hall releases one of his classic barbs, and the other three judges go "Oh, snap! Snap! Snap!" while throwing my invention at the floor in celebration. Pretty sweet, huh? If you don't like it, you probably didn't like Doug telling that guy "this isn't called American Sob Story." Too bad for you, it was funny. Well, it could happen, as much as this show is produced. Let's take a look. We already accepted that they're showing us some of the worst of the worst, some of the most dramatic, and some obvious crowd favorites.

American Idol taught them well. But come on, I'd really rather see another walking stick than that comedic montage hinting at the two least likable judges having some sort of love story. Then they dared, yes dared, to set a montage to that "Bye Bye Bye" song. Despicable. And still, they keep on with the promos, and we rarely get to see the inventions that were promoted. Jerks. Anyway, I'm hooked. I got my favorite judges in order now. Doug, then Peter Jones. I feel like he's the only one who doesn't have a list of things he wants to say. Then Ed Evangelista, and we all know who's last. Oh, and I've officially sworn never to mention the "host" of the show. Who? Exactly. Nothing really blew me away this week. And maybe I'm supposed to know already, but I sure like not knowing what the next rounds will entail. The same inventions, only perfected? New inventions? Speed inventions? More breast-related inventions?  Darren Sirkin

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