OK, it's been like a hundred years and almost as many scandals since this season started, so I've decided that we're officially on a first-name basis with our final four. After all, none of my hand-glittered rally signs read "I love Bo Bice" or "Go Baby V. Solomon" in big bubble letters, right? Never mind that I'm only waving them in front of my TV and Pepito the Wonder Chihuahua. It's the effort that counts. And there were some valiant ones tonight, thanks to a split theme of Nashville country and Philly soul (holla back, my home peeps!). Can I deal with the fact that one of the kids has to go? Hells no. Do I fear that the imaginary affair I'm having with Florida's cutest mail carrier may be coming to an end? Um, maybe? Did I choke up at those videos from the kids' friends and family? Please, I'm still not ready to talk about it. But thanks for asking.
Carrie: Well, that was a... nice version of the Dixie Chicks' "Sin Wagon," wasn't it? If only she would stop looking like the judges were holding puppies at gunpoint during her performances. Even the floaty "If You Don't Know Me by Now" felt stiffer than those smiles plastered on Mikalah Gordon and Jasmine Trias in the audience. Then again, like Simon said, it could have been the band's fault. So let's vote them off!
Bo: Never been a Travis Tritt fan. At all. Ever. But I'll tell ya, Bogart could sway me. Obviously, he was convincing enough to get the producers to let him cover The Apprentice's theme song. And who knew The O'Jays' "For the Love of Money" was such a booty shaker? The man is a star. Plain and simple. And I, for one, loved the image. Aviators are the new wraparounds.
Vonzell: Before y'all grab your torches and pitchforks, hear me out. Rumor has it that there was tragically one less young fan rooting for the Vonz tonight, which may explain why she barely survived Trisha Yearwood's "How Do I Live Without You?" And if that's the case, you'd have to be Satan's proctologist to bash her for missing a few notes. Especially since my girl rallied to rock the rafters with "Don't Leave Me This Way" while I began my text-messaging-and-Novena combo to make sure she didn't leave us this week.
Anthony: Zzzzzzz... sorry. Dozed off. Ugh. I think there were tryptophans in that country tune he tackled. Whatever it was, I must need more rest because I'm about to agree with Paula. A-Fed nailed the evening's second serving of "If You Don't Know Me by Now." Miss Carrie might consider being a little nervous right about now. Damian J. Holbrook
(Can't get enough American Idol? Watch Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez dish about the music on Idol Chat, Thursdays at 8 pm/ET on TV Guide Channel. Catch a video preview of the show here.)
Rory stealing a yacht for a Moby Dick inspired joy-ride? Way out of character. We're talking about Miss Doe-Eyed Prim and Proper in a Party Dress who likes to sit quietly at the dinner table with her hands in her lap and her legs politely crossed. Sure, Logan's dad told her she doesn't have what it takes to make it as a journalist. (Raise your hand if you think Richy Rich has a snooty agenda here). But that would hardly turn her into a carefree daredevil! (Dare I bring up her future plans revealed in the coming attractions? OK, I better not.) And she's not the only one who had a Sybil moment in this ep. What was up with the suddenly pushy and big-mouthed Kirk? Only weeks ago he was cowering at the sound of Luke's voice. Now he's going toe-to-toe with him for the Twickham house? Where'd that nerve come from? Well, at least Luke's getting the house, thanks to the old dude in the steam room. (With that towel over his face and his muffled voice, I was just waiting for the Darth Vader joke: "Luke... I am your father!" Yeah, I know. Way too easy.) Meanwhile, he and Lorelai hardly seem like they're on the same page again. He's secretly buying her a home, hoping to fill it with kids. She's breathing a sigh of relief over a pregnancy scare. (Was I the only one who thought Lorelai sharing the dirty details with Rory was way TMI? I mean, they're close and everything. But Rory's still her daughter.) I hate to see this relationship falter just to create some drama. We want to see these two happy, right? We might have to wait just one more week. Robin Honig
The Amazing Race
Y-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-s-s-s-s-s-s-s!!!! Woo-hoo!! Hooray for Uchenna and Joyce! It feels so damn good to see the nice guys (that is, couple) finish first. That Spanish-speaking cab driver was, initially, their savior, but he quickly became their biggest obstacle when he had to be paid (of course, he had no idea what was at stake). It just shows you how true-blue Uchenna and Joyce are, when, with their tightest and most important deadline looming, they still took the time out to make sure the cabbie "was covered." Now that's character. But, if they had lost because of that, my head would have exploded.
Those last two legs were unbelievably tight. It was one close call after another. First, Rob and Amber got stopped at a police checkpoint. Then, moments later, Uchenna and Joyce were delayed by a flat tire. (When I saw that, I was like, "C'mon!") Next, you had Amber getting confused as to where she had to jump 30 feet into the water, which was soon followed by toll-booth mayhem. And of course, let's not forget the mother of close calls: Uchenna and Joyce almost missing the early flight to Miami that Rob and Amber were already on. Talk about miracles! (And benevolent pilots!)
And here's hoping that Uchenna and Joyce have another miracle in the near future. As they mentioned, they plan to use the prize money to have a child, whether it's another try at in-vitro fertilization or adoption. It appears that this was truly a life-changing experience for them (40,000 miles across five continents can do that to you).
Well, it's been, in my opinion, the best race so far of this Emmy-winning series. You had spitting llamas, shaved heads, mounds of uneaten meat, 600 lb. elephant carts, Jerome the Gnome, a bribed bus driver, many missed flights and confused cab drivers and so much more. And even I'll admit that Rob and Amber were smart, skillful players. Not overly ethical, but smart. Once again, congratulations to Uchenna and Joyce! You two deserve it. (PS. In New York, the happy couple were interviewed on CBS local news, and let me tell you, Joyce's hair short but grown in looks great!) Danny Spiegel
Scene: Two people and a cat sitting on a big squishy living-room couch in suburban New Jersey, all staring intently at the TV at approximately 9:40 pm/ET on Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Angel: [Says nothing just sits in front of television with jaw agape, in stunned silence.]
Steve: I told you that he was bad weeks ago.
Angel: OK, fine. I didn't believe you, and I'm still skeptical.
[15 minutes later]
Angel: OK, you were right. I so didn't pick up on any clues, even when I talked to the seemingly nice Harry Hamlin a month ago.
Things I learned tonight: It is valuable to listen to one's husband once and a while. And never trust actors. They are paid to act and therefore lie, and in the case of this show, they are really excellent liars. Though I guess maybe I should have interpreted "I'll be in all the remaining episodes" as, "You may think that I'm just a badass dad, but I'm the psycho killer Veronica's been looking for all season. And in the finale, I'm going to try to flame-broil the nosy chick when she finds out that I was having an affair with Lilly and beat her brains in with a decorative piece of outdoor furnishings." Yeah, I probably wouldn't have believed him then either. I can't even quite wrap my head around it now, as I just saw Mr. Hamlin and his lovely wife, Lisa (oh yeah still alive), sitting happily in the audience at American Idol an hour beforehand. Weird timing.
Anyway, Neptune's little V. solved the rocking murder mystery and looked way more adorable undercover than Sydney Bristow. (Go, Kristen Bell, you had me in tears when you were trapped in the fridge!) But many, many, many, many questions remain. Like, who is at the door? Logan? Duncan? Weevil? Wallace? Deputy Leo? And will the pint-size P.I. spend next season chasing down her drunk-ass mother who robbed the teen's college fund twice? Even if Logan is at the door pretty please! he's gonna be messed up after his run-in with Weevil, having Veronica rip out his heart and then facing the fact that his abusive dad killed one of his girlfriends and tried to barbeque the other. Are these writers trying to kill me by making me wait a whole summer to see more? Probably, since between their witty dialogue skills and the well-oiled cast, this show has already made my heart stop and stunned me into silence (which is a pretty shocking thing).
At least a few little details got tied up in a pretty bow. Like the sweet little love fest that Veronica had with P.I. Daddy when she discovered that he really was her own flesh and blood. Aww, Enrico, that scene made me so glad that you were rescued from the Just Shoot Me world. Veronica easing Duncan's guilty conscience with the fact that they were NOT related see, that one I guessed! And the video-taping scam was Aaron's and not Logan's figured that one out, too! Also, loved Veronica's selfless act in reconnecting Wallace's mom with her dad. After all the tension and trauma, those scenes that looked like they were heading toward I Know What You Did Last Summer/everyone-ends-up-dead territory, it was refreshing to have a little bit of lovin' for someone. Meanwhile, I'm going to spend my summer brushing up on my sleuthing abilities to see if I can figure out what direction the writers are going to take next, and also who sang that that perfectly suited song about, "something special for my bad boyfriend," that played when Logan and Veronica (or LoVe as one of our loyal readers called them) were chatting by the lockers. Angel Cohn
Cameron, you idiot! You had him right where you wanted him, but you totally blew it; "Enough about me. Let's talk about what you think about me!" Haven't you heard of pillow talk? You're supposed to save that soul-baring psychoanalysis for after you've rocked his world and he's lying there drooling into his pillow like a baby. It just doesn't work as an aperitif.
But you know something? I'm glad it's over, really, because, as I've said before, the last thing this show needs is to head into General Hospital territory. Now we can get back to those medical mysteries, which lately come with a warning about sexual content. When was the last time House and his three stooges solved one of these cases without discovering that the patient has a dirty little secret?
I have two crackpot suggestions that will invariably save the doctors valuable time, as well as spare the patients from 47 unnecessary needle sticks, surgeries and biopsies: 1) Cut to the chase. After name, social security number and address, lead off with, "Now, please describe your last sexual experience, who it was with... or what it was with... the more detail the better." 2) As soon as you get the 411 on what floats their boat, give 'em the full-body MRI. You know you're going to eventually, after poking and prodding and slicing and dicing and coming up empty so just run them through the scanner and get it over with.
Nice turn from Jon Cho in a dramatic role, but I couldn't help but wonder what happened to Kumar? Dan Roberts
Do you think acting opposite Zach Braff on Scrubs is confusing for former Ed star Josh Randall? Zach looks so much like Tom Cavanaugh that they have the out-of-work guy play his bro on occasion. Gotta be weird. And with all the chaos and outrageous behavior, it was nice to see Sarah Chalke's sweetly silent exit from Sacred Heart's wacky medical ward handled in such a calm, peaceful way. Though I hope we don't have to see her projectile nose-bleeds when she starts up her new gig.
Miss last week's Amazing Race, Gilmore Girls, House, Idol, or Veronica Mars? Click here for our recaps.Got a comment for one of our Watercooler writers? Send it in via the feedback box at the bottom of the page.
Also, are you a Law & Order: SVU fan? Send your burning questions for Mariska Hargitay and Chris Meloni to the feedback box below and you may see the answers in TV Guide magazine this summer.