American Idol
Lisa Leuschner was robbed!! There is no way that air-hiss-voiced Camile Velasco scored more votes than the busty belter who salvaged Tuesday night's painful performance show with a kickin' Joss Stone tune. Don't make me put my hands on my hips, people! At least Matthew Rogers moved on to the top 12. His sound may be just OK, but he seems really sweet. Like Fred Durst with a happier childhood and fewer tattoos.

That '70s Show
Oh, Alyson Hannigan, you were so cute as Buffy's lesbian witch. But, honey, no matter what role you take from now on, even as a police cadet smitten with Kelso, I will forever see you as the girl who did for band geeks what... well, what most other chicks wouldn't do for band geeks. Or anyone else, for that matter. Fez's gun-range snafu gets extra laugh points, if only because shooting a bunny back in the '70s wouldn't have caused a protest outside the Fox studios. Much like the one I am planning in order to make sure Lisa Leuschner becomes a wild card on AI.

What Not to Wear
Well, for one thing, hoochie tops to the office. I love this show. It takes total messes and makes them buy clothes without elastic waists or cartoon characters on them. Which in my book is basically proof of TV doing God's work. And tonight, lord alive, did they convert a real sinner. This real-estate agent with the taste of an Appalachian hooker discovers the joys of pencil skirts, pointy heels and perfectly tousled tresses, and we get to see a hot little number go from Little Oral Annie to Ann Curry. It's a miracle.

The Bachelorette
OK, let me get this straight. Meredith gets a week in Puerto Rico and three overnight dates with her remaining studs? No wonder she was never seen without drinky treat in hand. Chad's babbling about wanting to kiss her — and then not being able to seal the deal — is enough to push anyone to a bender. Hopefully, she was with it enough to enjoy those oh-so-erotic fantasy suites, which prompted my roomie to reveal that she was "having sex just looking at them." Now, should Ian be so lucky next week, I've got another Miss Phillips who'd be perfect for you, Matthew. She's my editor and can hold her booze like nobody's business.

Sex and the City
Who cares if this repeat has run ad nauseum since Sunday night? I had to tune in just to see Carrie rip into Big one more time. Say what you will about the show and it's so-so final season. Sarah Jessica made it all worth it with the hissy we all secretly wish we could throw at the louse who broke our hearts. And look that good doing it. Now, her multi-striped Parisian getup? Only the French deserve that mime-meets-drag-queen look. Let's hope our girl found something fab at Fendi to bring home with her for the finale.

The O.C.
Whooaa. A sexual-content advisory. Cool. I'm not sure if that ran for Seth and Summer's multiple bedroom bungles or for the Mrs. Robinson twist with Luke and Julie. No matter, there was steam rising off the screen. Even Marissa tried to get her groove thang on, much to Ryan's chagrin. Gotta love a guy who turns down nookie with the girl next door, only to cozy up with an old friend from the wrong side of the tracks. And I do mean old. Yes, Theresa is hot, but really, she's as close to being a high-schooler as Andrea Zuckerman ever was. Just don't let Luke see her, you know?

Celebrity Mole: Yucatan
So Angie Everhart was the mole. Hmmm. Since last year's trickster was Frederique, the idea of using a model again is interesting, if sort of unoriginal. Thankfully, we found out early on, so the rest of the hour could reveal the many clues hidden in the series and how the foul-mouthed redhead pulled it off. Then again, it probably doesn't take a brain surgeon to dupe Stephen Baldwin or Corbin Bernsen. Big kudos to Dennis Rodman for winning the $222,000, though. It's nice to see that all of Carmen Electra's husbands do so well on reality TV.

Celebrities Uncensored 19
I admit it. I love star sightings. Any chance to see a stringy-haired Brooke Shields pumping her own gas is a gas, gas, gas for me. Ditto for footage of Ashton Kutcher denying an autograph-seeker his scribble. It's all just so comforting to know that famous folk are people, too. And that E! will soon have enough material for a Whatever Happened To... special about trucker-hat-wearing tools who are outacted by their own hair in the hopefully near future.