American Idol
I'm still not sure which Ryan Seacrest moment of the day was more disturbing: Seeing the On-Air host shave off Angel star James Marsters' platinum locks during his daytime chatfest, or hearing him talk about an Idol viewer's desire to have him put a microphone where the sun don't shine.

While John Stevens is clearly out of his league, there is something good to say about his rendition of guest host Gloria Estefan's hit "Music of My Heart." For the first time, I really appreciated the 'N Sync version of this tune. Perhaps Sir Elton has a point about the voting process being racist. How else can you explain the fact that the nearly translucent 16-year-old is still lingering among the finalists? America, stop the madness. Drop your phones and seek help if you even thought about text-messaging in your support for him last night.

While my personal fave, LaToya, heated things up in a fiery red dress, I have to admit that Diana DeGarmo did indeed "Turn the Beat Around" with her feisty and well-sung performance. But she really needs to take someone, even Simon, shopping with her. That too-tight ensemble, which looked like it had a run-in with one of Siegfried's tigers, did absolutely nothing for her.

Note to the Idol production staff: Please try not to shoot the cameras directly into the lights. You can hardly see the contestants while they are performing and it is just really annoying.

Gilmore Girls
Sure, Lorelai's got more than her fair share of problems. First, her disapproving parents discover that she's been lying about her relationship with Jason, and her dear old dad decides to put a messy end to his business agreement with her suitor. Then, Lorelai discovers that her long-married parents are separated, and not only is her mom staying at an inn, she isn't even staying in her own daughter's inn, for goodness sakes. To top things off, Lorelai is forced to break things off with her beau because he threatens to slap a lawsuit on her dad. Whew. That's one busy week for the Stars Hollow chick. But through it all, Lorelai was able to maintain her witty banter with her daughter and, more importantly, keep her truly amazing tresses from ever looking less than perfect. Now that's good breeding. But the episode's best moment didn't involve Lorelai or her locks. It was Lane's bitter bilingual battle with her doppelganger.

One Tree Hill
The vicious-looking catfight in the promos for the "fresh" episode of this angst-ridden drama almost had me tuning in. But then I regained my sanity and changed the channel to watch...

I have to say it, this show creeps me out. I love to watch, and I'm always glued to the TV and look forward to hearing that ticking clock. Still, I get the heebie-jeebies about the "real life" possibility of crazy terrorists who carry vials of deadly diseases. But tonight there was a little glimmer of hope, when it was revealed that Michelle is indeed infection-free. Such a welcome surprise, since I thought for sure that this CTU agent was a goner.

I hope that they put Kim back undercover, and soon. Not just because she got a chance to shine and kick some butt last week, but because we've been subjected to her really bad bangs for a whole season and received a too short reprieve when she donned that dark wig. Girlfriend needs to take a page from the Lorelai Gilmore handbook and realize that no matter what the dilemma, good hair goes a long way.

Turk and Carla are finally getting married next week. It seems like just yesterday that he was just a self-involved surgeon trying to get into the sassy nurse's pants. Oh wait, that was just yesterday. But the bald doc almost redeemed his immature self when he finally gave a heartfelt speech that didn't begin with, "Let's give it up for the caterers," or steal dialogue from When Harry Met Sally.

Also, is there an Emmy for scene-stealing? If so, Neil Flynn should win it, hands down. The underappreciated hospital janitor does so much with just one disparaging look or a menacing bit of dialogue, and he never fails to get me giggling. And for the record, clicky-top pens are way better than the twisty-bottom kind.

Showbiz Moms and Dads
Yet another program that freaks me out. Tiffany Barron — yeah, that's the mom's name — has her 14-year-old daughter, Jordan, on a downer and upper combo of Tylenol PM and coffee. Tiff, you better be saving the money from Jordan's acting gigs for the rehab that she's gonna need later.

My heart was breaking for 4-year-old Emily Tye, whose competitive mom forced her to get a spray-on tan. She's 4! And even though Emily shed tears throughout the experience, Grandma agrees that they can't have the kid looking like "Casper" during the pageant.

Law & Order: SVU
I think the writers got a little overzealous, ripping just a few too many plots from the headlines and cramming them all into this one episode. There was a deaf female doctor suffering from not one, but two debilitating and possibly life-threatening diseases, a cultish website that provides details on how to end one's life, coping with manic depression, a lovers' spat, several suicide attempts and a revelation from a long-time cast member about his dad's death. Spread the wealth. With the Law & Order moniker attached to the title, this series will likely be around for another 10 years, and those ideas might come in handy somewhere down the line. Just a thought. — Daniel R. Coleridge has the night off. Today's column was written by Angel Cohn.