American Idol See, I hate this...

American Idol
See, I hate this part. We're down to the final three and I wanna keep 'em all. Can I pleeeease? Come on. How come guest judge Clive Davis can't just sign all of them? I mean, it's his label. And that way, we'd be spared the eliminations. Not to mention more of my whining, 'cause I have a feeling that I'm going to be really pouty after the Wednesday show. Tonight I'm far from sour, since we got three songs each from our trio. One Clive picked, another the singers chose and the last was cooked up by the judges. So let's try to focus on the positive and leave the worrying to Ryan Seacrest's stylist. Who totally needs to fix that boy's highlights.
Vonzell: OK, deep breaths. Ugh. What was Clive thinking? "I'll Never Love This Way Again" is tough even for Dionne, you know? So I can forgive the wobbly notes at the beginning. Mostly because Baby V.'s pick of "Chain of Fools" and Simon's absolute gift of "On the Radio" were simply... wow. Slap my butt and call me happy. Even if she gets the boot, this one is for real, for real.
Bo: Oh. My. God. Forget that Paula went with a gimmicky tune like the Stones' "Satisfaction." He rocked it like a hurricane. Same with Clive's selection, "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" (which, FYI, begs for a Michael Jackson joke that would probably cost me my job). But it was Bogart's brilliant idea to serve up an acoustic rendition of Badlands' "In a Dream" that still has me sweating like Corey Clark on a polygraph machine. They should just hand him the contract now and call it a day.
Carrie: Amen, Randy. The girl can blow. She should also send that nice Mr. Davis a thank-you note for giving her the Roy Orbison/k.d. lang belter, "Crying." Those may have been her best vocals ever. Deciding to tackle Air Supply's "Making Love out of Nothing at All" was a smart move, too, though she sounded more like Pat Benatar here than when she actually sang "Love Is a Battlefield." Plus, it's Air Supply and they're weird. But my real issue is why Randy would stick her with a pile of dawg doo like Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like a Woman." Thankfully, our little country girl gave it more than it deserved. Maybe even too much. Though probably not enough to knock her out of the running. And that's aiiight. — Damian J. Holbrook

(Can't get enough American Idol? Watch Kimberly Caldwell and Rosanna Tavarez dish about the music on Idol Chat, Thursdays at 8 pm/ET on TV Guide Channel. Catch a video preview of the show here.)

Gilmore Girls
I think I need a minute alone with my Kleenex. [Sniffling and wiping eyes. Taking a deep, deep breath.] OK, I think I'm good. But you won't mind if I get all verklempt, right? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I can't write about Lorelai asking Luke to marry her (!!!) without getting totally choked up. How amazing and unexpected was that? Lorelai has finally come of age, shedding the self-doubt and flightiness that made her oblivious to the perfect thing right in front of her. As Luke rambled on about his master plan to get Rory back into Yale, we literally watched the transformation come across her face. (Lauren Graham deserves an Emmy nod for that scene alone.) It was the perfect ending to the best season yet. (Please, oh, please, we don't want to wait an entire year for this wedding! November sweeps would be perfect, thanks.)

Sure, I'm still swooning over the proposal, but this ep was incredibly bittersweet. Lorelai and Rory, whose lives have always merged so perfectly, have veered terribly off-course. From her new Richie-Rich Yalie friends to her very Richie-Rich boyfriend to her new living arrangement with her Richie-Rich grandparents, Rory is proving to be a true blue-blooded Gilmore, much to her mother's dismay. And now that Emily and Richard have their moneyed hands on Rory, Lorelai's lost yet another piece of what was once her sweet, down-to-earth daughter. (How bad did you feel for Lorelai, watching from outside as Rory put her books away inside the pool house?) Perhaps mom does need to let go a little and trade one bond for another. Good thing Luke's right there waiting with his toolbox, the Twickum house and his dreams of their children filling up their home. (There I go, getting all teary-eyed again.) I can't wait until next season. — Robin Honig

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
OK, this show is nauseating, but that has less to do with the content of the show than the shoddy home-video "cinematography" by Kevin and Britney. The show is really more baffling than anything else, because before Kevin drops on the scene, Britney insists that she's never getting married again. And I get that the girl likes sex, almost obsessively apparently, but why Kevin? He was kinda somewhat attractive before he let his shaved head get all matted and unkempt, but he also claims not to believe in the institution of marriage. Yup, there's a real catch. Even her security guard, Mo, was ready to take out the glorified hanger-on. But the relationship on display for the world to see is no cutesy Nick and Jessica on the Newlyweds; in fact, those comparisons are ridiculous. Jessica and Nick are living a PG-13-rated life filmed by professional cameramen. Brit and her dirrty dude are living the XXX high life with a hand-held camcorder on what is a true candid camera. Not only does the pop star share her sex life — I'm just waiting for the Paris Hilton-esque bedroom tape to leak now that Brit's figured out the night-vision function — she also performs a grand inquisition on her staffers, asking them inappropriate questions about their favorite sexual positions and then chickens out and won't tell them hers. Guessing it has something to do with that treadmill in the gym. Here are a few things I learned about Ms. Spears-Federline on tonight's episode:

She thinks Pink is cool. Is that just because she once called her pretty in a song?
She has amazing hair and makeup artists who can magic away acne and bad hair extensions. That explains a lot.
Pregnancy has been very good to her — either that or her interview outfit was just particularly revealing.
She's a "wham, bam, thank-you, ma'am" kind of girl. Yeah, she actually said that.
She doesn't care what her dream man looks like so long as he's not a--faced ugly. Aw, who says romance is dead?
Love is a big mystery to her, and so are the lyrics to Eminem's "My Band" song with D12.
She has stars on her tour bus ceiling, which I applaud as a slightly less tacky choice than mirrors.
Her dream man is Brad Pitt. Too bad that now he's free-ish, she's off the market. They would have given Tom and Katie a run for their US Weekly covers.
She's looking for a man who is cool, not really phased by that much stuff, and who hasn't seen that much of the world. I guess two out of three ain't bad.
My fave quote of the night: When her antagonized limo driver begged not to be asked about his bedroom activities, she just drawled, "It's not all about sex, y'all." Um... OK, you say so. — Angel Cohn

The Shield
An empty cop car sitting there spinning its lights... two officers not answering their radios... that was just plain creepy. Poor Carl. Poor Scooby. (I'm guessing he earned the nickname back when he shot that mute pit bull.) And the scene where Aceveda comes across their mangled bodies was just brutal. On the other hand, the hunt for a pair of cop corpses did bring everyone together, right? Look at Shane, getting all cozy with the old crew. Look at Aceveda playing patrolman and calling his former precinct his family. Heck, even Claudette seems to have softened up and forgiven Dutch for pimping her integrity to the D.A. But something tells me the lovefest won't last with Antwone in the hot seat. How are they going to pin the cop killings on him without his spilling the beans on Shane? If anyone can pull it off, Vic can, but with Rawling in the room throwing curveballs at Antwone, Mackey's going to need some help from David Blaine to pull this one off!
Good thing the Salvadorans coughed up the location of that dead teen, but Dutch and Lem better dig fast, 'cause judging from the previews, it looks like Antwone's about to start singing. I could tell you who's going down next week, but you don't have a badge or Level 3 clearance, so you'll just have to follow the fault lines and steer clear of those foreign operatives. — Dan Roberts

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